The Day I told the Stake President to Kiss my A$$

Several years ago I received a phone call from the stake executive secretary in the area in which I live. I had been excommunicated maybe 2 years earlier and the new stake president wanted to have me come into his office for an update on where I currently stood with respect to the church. At first I told the Ex Sec that I had no desire to meet the new SP and hung up the phone. But upon further reflection I thought ,what the hell, so I called the Ex Sec back apologized for my curtness and set up an appointment to meet with the SP in his church office (to me his office held no special power or meaning other than a convenient place to meet) I felt he needed to KNOW exactly where I stood with respect to his church.

At the appointed time I arrived in my shorts , tee shirt and flip flops for our meeting. He greeted me warmly (he was a good guy in his pre-SP life). He offered to give an opening prayer to which I responded with “whatever floats your boat…but I won’t be participating”. After his prayer, he started to express his great love and respect for me and asked what my current views of the church were today.

I then went into a 30+ minute discourse of how I no longer viewed the church as being anything other than a man made institution with only imaginary make believe super human powers that he affectionately referrers to as priesthood powers. That it’s foundational scripture, The Book of Mormon, was nothing more than a fictional fairytale. That its so called prophets were merely men and it claims of holding a monopoly on truth was a false claim.

He was somewhat surprised that I had fallen into such a state of complete apostasy and questioned my statement on Mormon priesthood being anything other than what it claims to be. Bad move on his part.

I sat forward in my chair, looked him in the eye, raised my arm to the square and said. “John (not his real name) I am so sure that your so-called Mormon priesthood is nothing more than phony Mormon magical non-sense that I want you right here and now to raise your arm to the square like this and command me with all the super human mormon priesthood you can muster to become deaf and dumb just like the fictional Alma did to the fictional Korihor in your Book of Mormon. Come on Do it”, I said…raising my voice ever so slightly. “Do it!”.

He just sat there looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi-tractor-trailer with his mouth wide open. He was obviosly not used to having anyone question his authority.

I then gave him my "testimony" that Mormonism was a fraud, that he was a smart man and could work his way out of it as well if he really wanted to know the truth. I told him that each and every time he bore testimony stating emphatically that he KNEW the church was true he was lying…he admitted that he believed rather than KNEW…but that it was a tradition in the church to express” knowledge” rather than belief and saw nothing wrong with continuing to do so. I reiterated my statement that it was dishonest to claim as knowledge something he had just told me he did not in fact know. He seemed unfazed with my argument.

We parted with a handshake and the knowledge that he was a product of Mormonism and would remain so…and that he no longer had ANY power or authority over me. Some days are better than others…and on this day it was good to be a Mormon apostate.



Oh one more thing...all future posts to this blog will be posted in brail and grunts...




LOL...




Just kidding :-)


One more thought...knowing that there are many TBM's who visit my blog...PPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE....I don't want to hear all the crap on what an asshole I was that day (granted I was very direct) but that day was all about taking back my power from the Mormon church and letting them know that no longer could they ever feel that they had any power or authority over me.

I set boundaries with the church letting them know that I would no longer be at their beck and call...that in the future, if this SP wanted to meet with me He would have to call me himself rather than have his lacky call and it would be at a location of my choice and the subject of all future meetings would be of my choosing. I never head from him since.

Dispelling Apostasy Stereotypes

This post is NOT for the weak at heart.

It is very very long but I thought it was worth preserving and sharing.

Recently I stumbled on a Blog operated by some truly believing Mormon's. They had some intereseting sterotypical views on Mormon apostacy and why members of the church are leaving in droves in their area of the world. They had pretty much confirmed their sterotypes before I entered the fray in an effort to correct their "Pigeonholing". I began, what I considered, an interesting discussion hoping to dispell their biases. Some of their assumptions are quite telling...Enjoy.

I haven't gone to the bother of editing for easier rading...but I think you will be rewarded should you venture on...

**EDIT ALERT**

Ok I had cut the entire thread from the TBM blog and pasted it here on my blog for mere convenience BUT.... One of the TBM's came over here to my sand box and scolded me for posting their personal posts without first seeking their permission (see first comment) Did you honestly think an evil apostate would ask permission first?

But Nicko....I actually agree with you... so I have deleted the entire thread from my blog and instead replaced it with a link to your blog.

http://aroundthefireside.blogspot.com/2008/04/apostasy.html

After all this is the wild wild west of the internet where nothing to held sacred... so although I may respect you're wish...Once something has been posted on the internet....it's pretty much OUT THERE for the taking...it's just how things work in the wild west.

Some wise person once told me...If you don't want something on the "NET" don't put it on the net.

So for those of you curious enough...please clink on the link provided and read the thread on apostacy in its original format...

Happy Now Nicko?

The Church "IS NOT" what it claims to be...

Early in my discovery of the foundational lies Mormonism is built upon, I remember struggling to wrap my brain around the new concept that the church was not true. This alternative world view was as unbelievable to me as if I had witnessed the Sun rising in the West. I remember many dark and depressing weeks as my mind tried to deny the undeniable and make the adjustment to this new reality…what many of us refer to as the “Matrix Effect”, the act of wakening from a false reality. During this difficult and painful time…I kept fighting my birth to non-belief. I would come to a decision then go back and reexamine my conclusions…I never wanted the Church to NOT be true.

During one of my many attempts at re-examining Mormon truth claims…I read a post (on another board) from Tal Bachman. In his post, Tal made, what for me was a very crystal clear statement ... that sent shivers down my spine. He stated, “The church is NOT what it claims to be…” . Even today I don’t know why this statement affected me as it did, but those 9 simple words were like a catalyst in my mind. It took my fussy blurry world into sharp focus. I had been struggling to accept that the “Church was NOT True”…but by merely viewing the Church as NOT what it claimed to be…everything became perfectly clear. Why this made any difference for me I do not know. I even sent Tal an email asking him to explain what exactly he meant by saying that the church is not what it claims to be…his reply was something like…”ah dude, what exactly don’t you understand? (probably thinking...you dumb ass) The church makes many claims about being the only true church on the face of the earth, on having living prophet that speak directly with God, that they have another witness of Jesus Christ, the Book of Mormon, ect ect ect…they are NOT what they claim to be…get it?

The light bulb in my mind turned on…and the darkness of my recurring conflicts disappeared… I moved from struggling doubter…to skeptical thinker… almost in an instant…yeah I got it.

The church is NOT what it claims to be…became the most powerful of power statements in my journey out of the grips of Mormonism. It truly set my mind free…

Is the"Pearl of Great Price" The Ugly Step-Child of Mormonism?

Every 5-10 years , whatever geriatric-MAN happens to be playing the role of Mormon Prophet at the time, issues a challenge from the pulpit in General Conference to the Mormon faithful, to once again, read the entire Book of Mormon before the end of that given year for the umpteenth time.

Morg-bots then set their collective minds on the task of accomplishing this goal. Families accommodate the mandate by waking their children up earlier in the morning, individuals can be seen reading the book while commuting to work on public transportation, articles in the Ensign and Church News, trumpet the dedication and personal sacrifice of members the world over who once again have suffered through yet another boring ‘READ’ of the Book of Mormon. And those not so faithful ,but still believing Mormon’s, have yet one more thing to feel guilty over when they start but never finish the book.

But…what about the poor ugly red headed step child of Mormonism, "The Pearl of Great Price”. Why is it constantly being left out of the fun? There has NEVER been a challenge issued by Morg Central to read the very book that contains the writings of Abraham…written by his own hand no less… or the Books of Moses…damn Joseph actually received the same exact revelation that Moses did…but Moses screwed up and his revelatory version became tainted and mistranslated by unworthy men. .. Thank GOD, Joseph got his copy directly from GOD…there were no messy rocks in hats or golden plates to get in the way....just Gods mouth directly to Joseph's ears. You’ve got to love pure Revelation. And last, but certainly not least the “History of Joseph Smith” well at least the history HE wanted us to believe. OMG and don't forget all those proclamations on Polygamy and Black men finally receiving the same super human powers as White men...

So WHY is the PoGP ignored and consigned to second class status? Why is it relegated to mere parsing and 'single verse' quotation status? If it truly is a PEARL of such GREAT PRICE why doesn't the Mormon Prophets shout its amazing story from the roof tops as well? Why can't it be the Third Witness for Jesus Christ? Hell one wasn't enough in the first place...why stop at just two? Why aren’t the Mormon faithful challenged to read all of its pages through every 5-10 years….hell it’s small enough that they wouldn’t even need a full year to read it through…they could challenge the Morg-bots to read it through in between conference sessions.

And Hell, think of all the benefits… think of all the extra time families could really spend together…all the extra time individuals could spend on real important things like…making more money to increase tithing revenues…and think of all those poor guilt imbued Mormon’s who will finally have a challenge they can actually complete.

Of course, unless the PoGP REALLY is something the Mormon hierarchy is embarrassed about and doesn’t want its membership to read in one straight sitting? Gee…someone may actually ask some hard questions about what those facsimiles really are.

Best to keep that Ugly Step Child locked up in the morg basement where it belongs I guess….

The Mormon Shell Game

Once while traveling through Italy, I encountered a group of men gambling their money away at a sidewalk shell game. The ‘dealer’ would place a pea under one of three walnut shells on a board…then quickly shuffle the shells around the board. The other men placed bets on which shell they believed the pea had ended up under. As I watched, I observed the shell with the pea move around the board. As the shell came to a rest I would instinctively pick the correct shell game after game. I was amazed at how easily “I” was able to choose the correct shell while the other men kept losing their money. Somehow...the movement of the pea seemed so obvious, but the otherr men kept losing their money, game after game. After watching 7-8 games and having been able to consistantly guess the correct location of the pea, I decided that I could make some easy money.

I felt I had an edge over the dealer and other gamblers… surly I could NOT lose… I had discovered a way to out smart the dealer. I convinced myself that I had some previously unknown talent to locate concealed peas hidden under walnut shells. Wow what an opportunity had fallen into my lap. My ethnocentric American mind told me I had an advantage over these stupid Italians and their money.

As I reached for my wallet and withdrew a few large bills…one of the men who had been consistently losing his own money… gleefully welcomed me and my money to the board…but something was wrong… maybe it was the collective look in each of their eyes…a misplaced glance or a knowingly collective “We’ve caught another sucker” look on all of their faces…but I knew in an instant…that I had stumbled onto a well crafted “con” and that these men were looking to shear a sheep.

In a moment of clearity I quickly grabbed my money and ran away from the shell game as fast as I could…with them yelling some choice Italian words at me… but I had dodged a bullet.

The Mormon Church is also delft at playing the game of ’Peas and Shells’. Each generation of Mormon faithful are taught doctrines that are in direct conflict with those taught to the older/ previous generation. The church is delft in the duplicity of its multiple doctrines… it is not unusual to find three generations of a single family each having their own conflicting beliefs on such basic doctrines as the Flood, Adam and Eve, Creation, Origin of the Amerindians, the process for the coming forth of the Book of Mormon and the Book of Abraham etc, just to name a few. But is this any wonder…with the Mormon Church continuously moving the dogma ‘pea’ with every doctrinally conflicting scientific discovery made?

My mother’s generation believed and were taught that all American Indians were descendants of Lehi that these descendants occupied the entire Northern and Southern American Continents, that the earth is 6,000 years old with NO death prior to Adam’s fall and that there was a universal flood that covered the entire earth with water to its highest mountain.

My son believes and has been taught in church that Lehi merely contributed to a vast DNA pool and was only one of many original much diluted forefathers of the Amerindians, that Lehi left no DNA evidence due to this population dilution, That the Nephite and Lamanite Nations occupied a relatively small, yet to be discovered, geographic area somewhere in Central America, that there are 2 Hill Cumorah’s , that the flood was not universal but limited in scope to a small region in the near east and should NOT be taken as a literal event, that the earth has a multi-billion year age and that death has been a part of earth for billions of years. He has also had one very different doctrinal innoculationary dogma pounded into his head… “Prophets are men…and sometimes speak as such”.

Both my mother and son are active believing Mormons with completely conflicting beliefs…they are the result of the success of the Mormon Shell Game… Oh, if they could both wake up and discover that they are pawns in the Mormon Shell Game… a very crafty con game run by a very cunning cult. Run... please run...

The Church Literally Broke My Heart

It totally crushed me, when I started down this road of discovery, to learn that the Mormon Church had lied, covered up and withheld pertinent, essential information from me to come to an understanding of its truth claims.

I remember sitting in my car one day crying uncontrollably as this reality sunk in. I had given my life to an organization that had made promises to my family and me, I had made real sacrifices in both time talents and money for the church and these bastards didn’t have the moral dignity to tell me the truth?

I had a very difficult time wrapping my brain around this reality…why would they lie to me? I went through long periods of depression… revisiting my conclusions over and over, requestioning them still again and again. Yet each time that I have…I have come back to the conclusion that the leaders of the LDS church have been in a certifiable conspiracy to restrict information and keep it from the general church membership. I can only assume that they feel they have some noble purpose or cause that they feel is more important then my right to know the truth. They must believe they know what is better for me than I do.

They believe their lies are justified because, in their opinions, the church does so many positive things for individuals and families.

Who the fuck do they think they are to use me as a rat in their noble maze? Their lies have exposed my family to untold pain and trauma. And who knows if we’ll have the ability to survive it…all because Joseph lied about his experiences and those who followed him chose to carry on the fraud.

When I discovered the lies about the foundational claims of Mormonism, that church leaders had massaged facts, whitewashed historical events, doctored reality to support their desires to manipulate church membership to their so called higher purpose...it nearly killed me.

What gives them the right to fuck with my life! To make promises to me of an eternal family life ... a promise that they will never have to deliver on. What gives them the right to manipulate reality and restrict our lives, to take our hard earned money…so that their so called higher purposes can be fulfilled.

NO Organization has the moral right to take away a person's moral agency by depriving them of information they need to utilize that agency - and yet that is exactly what the Mormon Church does...They literally broke my heart!

Where is the Footprint?

The LDS Church claims that the Book of Mormon is an actual, historical account of real people and real events. In other words, a non-fictional historical narrative of “some” of the actual former inhabitants who actually lived on the American Continent between 600 BC and 400 AD.


They also assert that the truth of this claim will not be known through any physical evidence such as DNA, anthropological or archeological means. The truth of the book of Mormon can only be known through the spiritual feelings one receives after one has both read and sincerely prayed about the truthfulness (reality) of the book. And of course, true believing Mormons believe that there is ONLY one possible outcome for this effort…that the truth of the Book of Mormon will be confirmed to you. If you did not receive the “Right” answer, then the problem lays with you…the reader…not the book…you must NOT have been sincere enough or prayed hard enough…it’s NOT that the book is NOT what it claims to be. Thus, you the reader are pushed into the Mormon maze of circular reasoning.


As bazaar as this sounds, most believing Mormons are not totally crazy. They are also intelligent educated people and do use logic based decision tools in other parts of their lives. What follows is my attempt to interject logic into a conversation with your typical Mormon TBM and help them step out of The Book of Mormon circular reasoning process.

TBM Mormon: I know beyond any doubt that the Book of Mormon is all it claims to be and is true.


Cr@ig: So you believe that the characters portrayed in the Book of Mormon were actual living, breathing people who lived somewhere on the American continent? (This is important to establish that they believe that these fictional characters are actually real to them)


TBM Mormon: Yes I do.


Cr@ig: Now I can look at you (Mr./Mrs. TBM Mormon), I see you, you are actually alive, you breathe, you eat, you live in a house, you have a government record, a birth certificate, parents and children, a job, a medical record, an actual historical record of your existence. You are REAL. There is an actual “foot print” of your existence. If you died today, people generations from now could see evidence that you actually existed.


But what about the Book of Mormon people? There is NOT a single site that can be pointed to as having been a confirmed Book of Mormon site. (Cumorah not withstanding) Not a building, not a road, not a city, not a region or country, not even a descendant of these Book of Mormon characters.



There is not a single vestige of this people’s existence. Not a shard of broken pottery, a lost coin, a misplaced tool, a building or house foundation, a garbage pit, a lost weapon from their many wars…nothing, absolutely NOTHING that can be pointed to as a Nephite or Lamanite artifact. It’s as “IF” they NEVER EXISTED. If these Book of Mormon people ever did existed…they left not one single shred of evidence of their existence…they lived and left “No Footprint”.


The Book of Mormon suggests that these people numbered into the millions….yet vanished into thin air. Help me understand HOW any of this is possible?


TBM Mormon: Well, I don’t know…but the spirit confirmed the truth to me.


Cr@ig: And you find this so called spirit reliable in spite of this? Since when does the accommodation of truth require you to suspend reality?


TBM Mormon: Duh……. Ah…..


*************************************************************************************

Now the sad reality is that this line of logic will not affect the true Nazi-Mega-TBM, My own TBM wife chooses to ignore even this line of logic and refuses to even give me an answer to my questions of HOW this is possible. But hey, it could reach some who are willing to open up their minds to reality.

“… faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction - faith in fiction is a damnable false hope" -- Thomas Edison

Haun's Mill Did Not Take Place in a Vacuum

All my life I was taught that the Mormons were innocent victims in Missouri. These lies began when I was a small child on my mother’s knee... they continued as a member of Jr. Sunday School as I learned how Joseph Smith was innocently sent to Liberty Jail. As I advanced in Seminary the graphic elements of Haun’s Mill were played out over and over again in sickening details. Through out my 4 years of Institute at University more and more of the lies were reiterated and reinforced.

By the time I went out on my mission I had heard “All” the stories or so I thought. The "Hauns Mill Massacre”, Farr West, The Mormon Extermination Order and finally the expulsion of the Saints from Missouri were all burned into my mind. By the time I was an adult Mormon I had a deep inbreed incredulous impression of those Missourians of 1838 for what they had done to my people merely for their desire to practice their religion as they saw fit. How could there be so much evil among men. Lilburn W. Boggs was the ultimate villain; for in these stories, he was the anti-Christ...the very epitome of evil.

I now feel like such a putts for buying everything I was fed hook line and sinker. They say the winners write the history...well when it comes to the Mormon’s...this rule doesn’t apply...I swear these revelations of the "real histroy" make me sick and the Mormon's wonder why former Mormon's get so mad and angry and can’t leave it alone. It's the LIES!!

There is no end to the length the Mormon Church will go to whitewash and rewrite its history. I make no excuses for the actions of the Missourians, they were not innocent either...But the terrible events that took place in 1838 Missouri...DID NOT take place in a vacuum. Haun’s Mill and the events that took place in Farr West were directly in retaliation for actions STARTED by the Mormon’s.

It was the Mormons who FIRST issued an extermination order against the Missourians.

It was the Mormons who gave its own apostate members 24 hours to leave or be killed ... driving them into an alliance with the Missourians.

It was the Mormons who started a secret society of thugs that went on a burning and killing spree against the Apostate and non-Mormons.

The Mormon's ALSO burned and pillaged the homes of innocent Missourians.

Clearly it was the Mormons who fired that first fateful shot across the bow. There were no Innocent parties here... but it was the Mormons who set into motion the events that would have cataclysmic consequences for them as they tried to purge the Mormon counties of all non-Mormons. A lesson they seemed to forget when they eventaully moved to Illinois.

Read the following historical chronology of the events that took place in Missouri after Joseph arrived in 1838 ... fleeing from authorities in Ohio I might add ... who wanted his hide for the failure of his Kirtland anti-bank fraud. I might add one more thing... was it a coincidence that at this time when the church was literally falling apart (1/3 of the 12 apostles and its membership left the church) that Joseph bolstered his image among the extreme faithful with his new and improved First Vision story? (which is now the official story)

It is interesting to follow these events knowing that the Mormons set into motion events that soon sealed their fate in Missouri

14 March 1838 Joseph Smith arrives in Far West.

June Danites organize in Far West.

17 June Sidney Rigdon delivers "Salt Sermon" condemning Mormon dissenters.

19 June After receiving warning, dissenters flee from Caldwell County.

28 June Mormons lay out town and organize a Stake of Zion at Adam-ondi-Ahman in Daviess County.

July Mormons open settlements at DeWitt and throughout northwestern Missouri.

4 July Fourth of July celebration at Far West. Rigdon declares Mormons will wage a "war of extermination" against mobs.

14 July Carroll citizens meet to oppose Mormon settlement at DeWitt. Meetings and threats against Mormons at DeWitt continue throughout the summer.

6 August Gallatin election battle. Daviess settlers talk of organizing against the Mormons.

7 August Joseph Smith leads one hundred fifty Danites to Diahman to protect the Saints. Mormons threaten judge Adam Black and others suspected of anti-Mormon activities. Reports of Mormon "invasion" spread through upper counties.

13 August Daviess County judges issue writs for the arrest of Joseph Smith and Lyman Wight.

13 August Committee of Carroll citizens orders the Saints to leave the county.

20 August One hundred armed men ride into DeWitt and threaten Mormons.

20-30 August Citizen groups and vigilantes meet in upper counties and resolve to assist Daviess and Carroll counties in bringing alleged Mormon criminals to justice.

30 August Governor Lilburn W. Boggs, responding to reports of civil and Indian disturbances in western counties, orders twenty-eight hundred state troops to stand ready to march.

3 September David R. Atchison and Alexander W. Doniphan are hired as lawyers for Smith and Wight.

7 September Smith and Wight are tried at a preliminary hearing in Daviess County. Judge Austin A. King orders the defendants to post bail and appear at the next hearing of the grand jury in Daviess.

9 September Excitement in upper counties continues as Mormons capture three men attempting to transport guns to vigilantes in Daviess County. Mormons and Missourians petition Judge King to quell the disturbances.

10 September Judge King orders General Atchison to raise four hundred troops and disperse the Mormons and non-Mormon vigilantes.

13 September Carroll vigilantes postpone assault on DeWitt and march to Daviess to assist settlers against the Mormons.

18 September After receiving reports of disturbances, Governor Boggs orders out two thousand troops and prepares to lead march to western Missouri.

20 September Atchison disperses vigilantes in Daviess County and leaves one hundred troops under General Parks to maintain peace.

21 September Carroll County vigilantes, returning from Daviess, resolve to expel the Saints from DeWitt.

24 September Governor Boggs receives letter from Atchison stating that vigilantes in Daviess have dispersed. Boggs dismisses troops and returns to Jefferson City.

1 October Vigilantes attack DeWitt, burn the home and stables of Smith Humphrey. During the next several days Mormons appeal to Governor Boggs and other civil authorities for protection.

6 October General Parks arrives in DeWitt with one hundred troops to quell disturbances. Anti-Mormon spirit among troops forces Parks to return to Ray County a few days later.

9 October Messenger reports to Mormons that the governor said they must rely on local authorities for protection. He will not intervene.

11 October Mormons at DeWitt surrender and move to Caldwell and Daviess counties. Carroll vigilantes resolve to help settlers expel Mormons from Daviess.

14-15 October Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon call upon Mormon troops to ride to Diahman to protect the Saints, threatening those who will not join the Mormon army. Four hundred soldiers march to Daviess County.

16-17 October Generals Doniphan and Parks prepare to march with troops to Daviess, but inclement weather and anti-Mormon sentiment in militia causes generals to abandon expedition. Parks continues to Daviess alone.

18 October Mormon soldiers attack Gallatin, Millport, and other settlements in Daviess, driving non-Mormon settlers from their homes, plundering, and burning. Missourians retaliate.

18 October General Parks visits Mormons and Missourians in Daviess. Parks discovers that civil war has broken out and declares that Mormons are now the aggressors.

22 October Mormon troops return to Far West after driving nearly all non-Mormons from Daviess.

24 October Apostles Thomas B. Marsh and Orson Hyde sign affidavits in Ray County describing Mormon activities. Ray committee returns from Daviess with similar reports of depredations. Capt. Samuel Bogart calls out Ray troops to prevent invasion by Mormons.

24 October Bogart and his troops harass Mormon settlers in Ray and Caldwell counties. They capture two Mormon spies and threaten to execute them.

25 October Capt. David W. Patten leads Mormon troops to rescue spies. Troops clash at Crooked River, with three Mormons and one Missourian killed. Exaggerated reports of Crooked River battle spread throughout the state. Fearing the Mormons intend to continue attacks, Generals Atchison, Doniphan, and Parks call out state militia to quell alleged Mormon rebellion.

27 October Governor Boggs, responding to reports of Mormon depredations in Daviess County and their attack on state troops at Crooked River, orders that the Mormons must be "exterminated or driven from the state."

30 October Missouri troops, under command of Gen. Samuel D. Lucas of Jackson County, arrive outside Far West. Mormon leaders send messengers to learn intentions of troops.

30 October Two hundred soldiers from Livingston and nearby counties overrun Mormon village of Haun's Mill, killing eighteen and wounding fifteen.

31 October Col. George Hinkle, John Corrill, and other Mormon representatives attempt to negotiate with General Lucas, but receive demands for surrender. Joseph Smith, Sidney Rigdon, Lyman Wight, and other Mormon leaders give themselves up as hostages. About seventy-five Mormon soldiers, advised of the surrender plans, flee from Far West during the night.

1 November Joseph Smith advises Mormon troops at Far West and Diahman to surrender. Mormon War ends.

1 November General Lucas holds a court-martial of seven Mormon leaders. Opposition of General Doniphan and others prevents the execution of Mormon prisoners.

2 November Mormons forced to deed over their property to pay expenses for the war. This part of the surrender agreement is later declared illegal.

4 November General Clark arrives with troops and announces his intention to carry out the surrender terms exacted by General Lucas.

12-29 November Judge Austin A. King presides at Court of Inquiry held in Richmond, Ray County. Joseph Smith, Sidney Rigdon, and a number of other Mormons are committed to prison on the basis of testimony against them.

December-February 1839 Missouri legislature debates whether to investigate the disturbances and allow the Mormons to remain. Legislation to investigate is tabled until July, after the Mormons have already left the state.

February Mormons pool resources and organize to leave Missouri.

11 April Joseph Smith and four other Mormons are indicted for crimes in Daviess County, and are granted a change of venue to Boone County.

16 April Smith and other prisoners escape from their guards and return to Saints, who are gathering at Quincy, Illinois.

May Nearly all the Saints have left Missouri.

I find it particularly interesting that the Mormons living in Missouri lived in peace with their neighbors...well at least until Joseph Smith showed up...

Up Close and Personal; The Cr@ig P@xton Story

Having been born in the covenant, I was taught the gospel from my youth. I never had any reason to question or doubt what my parents, seminary teachers or church leaders taught me. I accepted their teachings and testimonies as fact. If I ever had doubts I don’t remember them.

My worldview, filtered through Mormonism, was secure, strong and confident, bordering on the arrogance, of KNOWING that I belonged to the ONLY true church on the face of the earth. I was right and the rest of the world was wrong...it was so black and white to me. An easy and clear choice. The church is true, nothing else matters.

I couldn’t understand how the rest of the world couldn’t see the truth. It was so plain and simple. I knew that if given the chance to have the truths of the gospel explained to them, anyone would readily accept it. I was one of Saturdays Warriors...preparing the world for the second coming of Jesus Christ in these latter days. Little did I know then, that I had been “set up” by the church and my blind faith in it...for a very rude awakening...that would change my world and shake my very core.

From my youth, I prepared to go on a mission. I loved listening to the faith building stories of the returning missionaries as they reported the wonderful experiences from their missions. I would fantasize about the day that I too could serve a mission for the Lord. I knew in my heart that I too would be a great servant for the Lord and would be a valuable tool in His hands to bring many souls to the knowledge of His true church.

When I turned 18, I decided, with only a year to go that I needed to intensify my study of the gospel so that I would be fully prepared for my mission. I immersed myself in the study of the scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon. Up until this time in my life I had never read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover. My initial impressions were less than impressed. The characters seemed shallow and almost cartoonish in their behavior. The Book of Mormon lacked depth, it felt fake. But leaning on the faith of those I trusted, I accepted that the Book of Mormon was true. I didn’t allow these first impressions to affect my testimony. Certainly, the fault was in me not the Book of Mormon.

The day I received my mission call was one of the most exciting days of my life. I had prepared for this moment all my life and now it was here. Although I was willing to go wherever the Lord called me, I secretly hoped that I would be called to Australia. It held so many pluses. A distant, exotic, English speaking country...it satisfied every mission wish I ever had. I was thrilled when I read that the Lord had in fact called me to the country of my secret desire.

I took to missionary work like a duck does to water. Through hard work and strict adherence to mission rules I advanced quickly up the ranks of mission leadership. Within a very short time I was serving as a Zone Leader. I guess you could call me a straight arrow. I loved mission work. The years of preparation and an unquestioning devotion were really paying off. I loved teaching the gospel, and although most of the Australians I came in contact with were not interested to listening to my message, the occasional person that would listen made the work worthwhile. It was during such a situation that I came in direct contact with information that was about to change everything I had ever believed about the church.

During a street meeting my companion and I met a very nice Seventh Day Adventists couple that expressed a sincere interest in hearing our message. We looked forward to being able to share the TRUE gospel with them. During the first discussion they showed promise and we looked forward to a future baptism. Then following a dinner date, which had included some interesting meatless dishes done with soy beans, we retired to the living room for another gospel discussion. Our investigator’s mood seemed a bit different this night, on further inquiry, they inform my companion and me that they had discovered some material at the local library that had caused them to doubt some of the information we had taught them. They then presented us with a book entitled “Mormonism: Shadow or Reality?” by Jerald and Sandra Tanner. I assured our investigators that it was nothing to be concerned with. I promised them that I would review its contents and get back with them. Nothing in my years of mission preparation had prepared me for this book and the information that it contained. I cannot begin to describe the massive cognitive dissonance that I experienced as I browsed through this book. My world had been completely knocked off its foundation and I was ill equipped to fix it.

Retuning to my apartment, I read the material in the book. My head swimming as I read for the first time in my life the many changes in the Book of Mormon, the failure of early leaders of the church to live the word of wisdom, promises of missionaries teaching the gospel to men on the moon, changes and additions to the Doctrine and Covenants and on and on and on. I was drowning; I was going down for the third time. I remember being in complete depression, my world had changed in the blink of an eye, the seeds of doubt had been planted, but the fruit would take years to harvest. I had so many questions and no answers...so I did what I had been taught to do...I turned to the Lord for help. If anyone needed help I did, but I wasn’t willing to take any witness as an answer I wanted a specific sign. I told God what was required and said that if He didn’t deliver I was headed home, period.

I placed the “Anti” Mormon book on my bed and retired to another room for the most heartfelt and sincere prayer of my life. I told God in no uncertain terms that I had placed the book on my bed...and that if the things that I discovered in the book were false, then he had to move the book across the room and place it on my companion’s bed. Anything less would be confirmation that the book was true and Mormonism was false. Upon returning to my bedroom, I was relieved to find the Tanner book sitting on my companion’s bed just as I had requested. My prayers had been answered; my personal miracle had taken place. In my mind God himself had proven the book false; I had survived this crisis to my faith. I dismissed the Tanners as liars and frauds...God had given me a personal sign.

In reality my comp had merely picked up the book when I was in the other room praying...he sat on his own bed to browse through the book and then set the book down on his own bed where he had been sitting, unaware of my plea or request for a sign.

With this crisis conquered, I redoubled my dedication to the church working harder than ever...ultimately ascending to serve as Assistant to the President. The church was true.

Like many members of the church first exposed to the truth behind church history, I had to build a defensive wall around this knowledge and file it away in a deep part of my mind. I successfully did this for nearly 10 years, ignoring or denying the facts. Enter Mark Hoffman...

In the fall of 1985 my wife and I were on a visit to Nauvoo when we first heard the news from Salt Lake of the bombings that took the life of Steve Christensen (who had served in my mission) and Kathy Sheets. These bombings eventually led to Mark Hoffman. For months I had been following with interest the documents that Mark Hoffman was discovering and selling to the church. The discovery of these bits and pieces of church history began to undermine the protective wall I had built around my doubts. It caused me great pain when I first heard of a Salamander turning into the Angel Moroni. Once again I was forced to face my fears regarding the church. At the time I was deeply entrenched in my ward as the Elder Quorum President.... but these new confirmations of the church’s secret past continued to haunt me. It was those bombings that saved my faith once more. Discovery and disclosure of the Hoffman forgeries gave me newfound hope that I could once again hide my doubts behind my protective walls. I could once again suspend my doubts.

In the years since 1985, I ascended once again the ladder of Mormon leadership. I have served as a Elders Quorum President, Councilor in a Bishopric, served on the High Council and as Young Men’s President. But in 2002, the planets aligned, the conditions became perfect and the seeds that were planted so many years ago while on my mission bore their first fruit. I was forced to face my greatest fears. I turned to the church for help with a personal problem, naively expecting that I would receive it, but instead was excommunicated. I might add, for the curious, that I never broke my temple covenants. But the reality was that I had been cast off from a church I had dearly loved and had devoted my life to. The process was excruciatingly painful and truly beyond my ability to set in words. But on the bright side, being unencumbered by membership in the church, the binds on my mind were set loose. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt free to honestly investigate the church, confront my doubts and find out for myself if it was truly all it claimed to be.

I became a voracious reader of Mormon history, devouring books by Quinn, Roberts, Larsen, and others. The discovery of the truth was my only mission statement irrespective of where that truth might lead me. I had finally crossed the line into the unofficial secrets of Mormon history. I experienced one epiphany after another, with each succeeding discovery and in the process I learned something else I had not known about myself to that point.... I loved the freedom of free open learning. My mind was expanding with new ideas that I hadn’t allowed myself to entertain in the past as a member of the church. I realized that I was unafraid to face the realities of truth, of the questions and realities of “Life and Death” without them first being processed through the Mormon filter.

I do however continue to experience periods of great pain with my former faith. It hurts me that the church, whom I placed so much trust in; which preaches moral standards and teaches an honest pursuit of truth doesn’t practice what it preaches.

It hurts that the church continues to whitewash and doctor its history even today.

It hurts that those leaders whom millions of faithful church members regard as prophets, seers and revelators and look to as a standard of truth are in fact the ones responsible for keeping the truth from these same members through the practice of promoting a “Faithful History”.

It hurts accepting the realization that those telling the truth about the church were the very ones that the church had accused of doing all the lying.

But most hurtful and painful of all is the reality that the church continues to hold my family…who refuse to listen to anything I have to say regarding the claims of the church…and who remain mega uber active Truly Beliving Mormon’s.

My evolution from the church is still in transition.

As an active member I believed my teachers when they told me that the native inhabitants of the Americas descended from Hebrew bloodlines...I have come to learn that this is false.

The church taught me that Joseph Smith was never involved with money digging.... I have come to learn that this is a lie.

I was taught that the temple ceremony was handed down from Solomon’s Temple...I have come to learn that this is a lie.

I believed Joseph Smith was telling the truth when he denied practicing polygamy before the introduction of Sec 132 of the D&C...I have come to learn that he was was lying.

I believed the church when it taught that wicked apostates were spreading lies about Joseph Smith when he ordered the destruction of the “Nauvoo Expositor”.... I have come to learn that the church did and continues to lie about the truth behind this historical event.

I believed the Church when it said that the re-discovered Egyptian papyri where not the ones that Joseph Smith Translated into the Book of Abraham.... I now know that this was a lie.

I believed the church when it claimed that Brigham Young never taught the concepts in the “Adam-God and Blood Atonement Theories” as doctrine... I now know this was a lie

I believed the church when it claimed that that the stories of Joseph putting his face in a hat during his supposed translation was a false story made up by enemies of the church.... I now know that it was the church that was lying.

I resent that the church still holds power over my family.

I resent that the truth is a lie in Mormonism. As members, we must forsake actual, verifiable fact, for completely unverifiable mythological yarn. I resent that the truth teller is the apostate; the liar is considered righteous. Facts don't matter in the church. If a fact contradicts a blatantly false assertion, the fact is wrong - even more, it is evil. It will kill you spiritually.

I trusted the church to be honest...yet it never taught or told me that Joseph Smith Sr. had the same tree of life dream that Lehi supposedly had, nor told me about the Kinderhook plates or the story of Zelph ... This is a lie of omission

I bought the whole kit and kabutal, I paid my 10%, and I devoted my time, my talents and everything which the Lord had blessed me to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I confessed my sins, I laid myself bare, I believed in the rewards of being a Mormon. But in the end I finally discovered the courage to critically examine the facts and in so doing, I discovered the TRUTH and the TRUTH has made me FREE!

I look forward to each new day with anticipation to the opportunity I’ll have of gaining new knowledge about this world in which we live. I hope someday to be completely free of the influences of Mormonism in my life.... but I’m not holding my breath…

Craig Paxton

The Weakest Link

According to Mormon teachings, to achieve salvation and exaltation, I must embrace the following chain of doctrinal beliefs. Each link of this chain is connected to form a belief in Mormonism…break one of the chains….and Mormonism falls as a false religion…

I must believe Joseph Smith restored Christ’s true church. For me to believe Joseph Smith restored Christ’s true church, I must believe there was a need for such a restoration. To believe in the need for a restoration, I must believe in the great apostasy. For me to believe in the great apostasy, I must believe a Christ established his church. To believe in a Christ I must believe in the atonement. To believe the atonement, I must believe in the fall of Adam. For me to believe in the fall of Adam I must believe the Adam and Eve story is a literal historical fact, and finally I must believe in the Creation of the earth by a God who was once a man. According to D&C 77, this chain of event happened 6,000 years ago, prior to that there was no death on this earth.

Russell M. Nelson summed up this fundamental linkage of beliefs (October 1996 conference talk entitled “The Atonement”, published in the November 1996 Ensign beginning on page 33) by stating:"The Creation required the Fall. The Fall required the Atonement. The Atonement enabled the purpose of the Creation to be accomplished. Eternal life, made possible by the Atonement, is the supreme purpose of the Creation. To phrase that statement in its negative form, if families were not sealed in holy temples, the whole earth would be utterly wasted.

The purposes of the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement all converge on the sacred work done in temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The earth was created and the Church was restored to make possible the sealing of wife to husband, children to parents, families to progenitors, worlds without end.This is the great latter-day work of which we are a part. That is why we have missionaries; that is why we have temples—to bring the fullest blessings of the Atonement to faithful children of God."

For the Mormon church to be what it claims to be and to be the conduit to salvation and exaltation the story of Adam and Eve must have literally taken place, and for me to accept the story of Adam and Eve as a literal historic fact I must:

1) Discard and disregard ALL historical, anthropological, archeological, and paleontological discoveries, research and records that describe, reference, or refer to the existence of humans prior to 4,000 BCE. (Adam was the first human.)

2) Discard and disregard ALL biological and paleontological discoveries, research and records that describe, reference, and refer to or imply that life forms died prior to 4,000 BCE. (There was no death prior to the fall of Adam.)

3) Accept as fact that prior to 4,000 BCE the planet Earth resided in the vicinity of a distant celestial body named Kolob and that around that time the planet Earth moved away from Kolob (as a result of the fall of Adam) and settled into its current solar orbit.

I cannot accept or embrace these premises. The story of Adam and Eve, therefore, is just that, a story – another creation myth, a metaphor, a parable. With that said this doctrinal chain fails at its weakest link.

If there was no Adam there was no fall of Adam, and without the fall of Adam there was no need for an atonement. If there was no need for an atonement, there was no need for a Christ. If there was no need for a Christ then there was no need to establish an authoritative church of Christ, and if there was no authorized church of Christ there was no great apostasy. Without such an apostasy there was no need for a restoration. If there was no need for a restoration then Joseph Smith was a fraud.

For me the show is over. Somebody turn out the lights and lock the door. Elvis has left the building.

Faith in Fiction is a Damnable False Hope

As a recently returned missionary and Uber TBM, I was heavily involved in the LDS Institute of Religion as the chairman of one of the student run committees. My committee was called the Sacrament Meeting Committee or something like that. The group was designed to give LDSSA students the opportunity to speak in local congregations. My committee would provide a pre-packaged Mc-program filled with beautiful music and well rehearsed talks that we would regurgitate each week at different wards. This was back in the day when you could actually sing music NOT found in the Mormon Hymnal so the program was always well received and a welcome break from the traditional sacrament meeting fare.

During one particular sacrament meeting my group was surprised to find that General Authority H. Burke Peterson would also be on the stand with us. Wow, a General Authority would sit and witness our program... I’m sure that each student felt a special glow just knowing that we were in the presence of one of the Lord’s anointed, I know I was.

I was one of the main speakers. I remember my talk well even to this day, it was titled “Modern Day Evidences of the Book of Mormon”. During my talk I would give so-called fact after fact of recently discovered modern day proofs that supported the claims made in the Book of Mormon. I would go on and on with Central American archeological evidence and discussed all of the linguistic, plant and animal evidence that had recently been discovered that supported the claims made in the Book of Mormon.

I remember giving particular focus on horses and wheels. It was well known that critics of the church had used the lack of this evidence to destroy testimonies. But I boldly testified that only recently God had allowed new evidence of both horses and wheels in ancient America to be discovered and that this evidence supported the claims of the Book of Mormon.

After sharing all the evidence for the Book of Mormon with my audience I would then caution them... stating that a testimony can not be built on these evidences...but must be soundly built on foundation of faith and through a confirmation from the Holy Ghost as Moroni promised through the Spirit. But know that although a testimony of the Book of Mormon must be based on faith...rest assured that the Lord is slowly revealing factual evidence to support its claims.

To be honest with you... My talked was well rehearsed and it rocked! I always had my audience eating out of the palm of my hand...they loved this shit.

Following my talk, H. Burke Peterson sought me out and placed his arm around my shoulder. He looked me in the eye and complimented me on my talk. He commented that the spirit was so strong during my talk. He thanked me and encouraged me to continue on my path in righteousness...that I was on the pathway to great things inside the church and that the Lord had a great work for me to do. (reading between the lines, I arrogantly interpreted his statement as prophetic, that I was on the road to high church callings in my future...perhaps even becoming a Bishop, SP or even GA someday...every Mormon boy’s dream).

Now the irony. It was all a lode of crap. I was merely regurgitating the shit that I had been fed... there was no archeological, linguistic, plant, animal, horse, wheel or any other modern day evidence that supported the Book of Mormon. In fact there were volumes of evidence that discredited the Book of Mormon’s claims...but I had failed to mention any of those... H. Burke Peterson knew it and allowed me to spew forth that drivel and said nothing... The reason the spirit was so strong when I gave that talk was because I was giving the people what they wanted... its called confirmation bias... they wanted PROOF that the shit was TRUE...but the sad reality is that I was feeding them the same bull shit that I had been fed... Oh the Irony...that I had in fact built my testimony on the assumption that the claims made by the church were supported by some evidence.... In the end.... faith and a spiritual witness were NOT enough to support my beliefs in Mormonism when I discovered that there was no foundational proof to support Mormonism's claims...

Thomas Edison said it best when he said..."For faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction - faith in fiction is a damnable false hope."

For those of you who want to read what Mormons of today use as proof...read this link...

http://www.ldsmag.com/jsbicentennial/051221traces.html

The Mormon Art of "Spin"

Somewhere between the truth and a lie, there is "spin." We hear about politicians spinning bad news in their favor. We see journalists and pundits spin news stories to reflect a certain point of view. It’s commonplace and we’ve come to expect it from these people. But what most of us, who have discovered the truth behind Mormonism just weren’t prepared for, was discovering that the Mormon Church is also a master at spinning the truth..

Church Authorities have taken church history, filtered it through their biases, and taught this new and improved church history not as it actually happened but rather how they wish it had happened. The rationale behind this “Wishful History” was that the raw truth just wasn’t faith promoting enough.

The church has sold its soul on this conclusion; that it isn’t really lying… it’s just putting it’s bias, it’s spin on how these historical events should have happened… and besides that, would anybody really want to join the church if the church were honest and told the raw truth? After all the church does make bad men good and good men better right? So don't these end results justify the spinning of the truth? So what's wrong with that?

Here’s what’s wrong. The Mormon Church hold’s itself up as “The” one true church on the face of the earth…the only church that God is pleased with…the only means by which we humans can return to live with God. The Church claims to be the moral authority for the entire earth. One of the most difficult aspects of my discovery of the unspun history of the church was having to conclude that my moral ethical church, was immoral and unethical. It was the realization that the church placed a greater value on control, manipulation and self preservation than on being honest and truthful.

The ends DO NOT justify this unethical communication with its membership…and it is because of this reality that I have concluded that the Mormon Church is morally bankrupt despite it claims to the contrary.

At one time in my life I would have given my life for this church.

The Mormon church taught me that I should be truthful and honest in all my dealings with my fellow man. Yet the Spinning done by the church, is like any other kind of dishonesty, it is wrong. It makes good old fashioned lying sound clever and trendy and it sends a mixed message to the enlightened member that lying is ok…when it is done for the Lord.

By accepting this ethical gray areas as "normal" the Mormon church is talking out of both sides of its mouth. Honesty is always the best policy. When a Church member is taught a lesson at church they have the reasonalbe expectation that they are being taught the truth and not spin.

An orderly society needs to operate on the premise of truth and honesty. Without some standard of truth, people will tend to satisfy their own interests, desires, and feelings. Who wants to live in a world where everyone sets their own behavioral standards? Yet this is exactly the world of Mormonism.Each of us have a universal expectation that people tell the truth.

Fortunately, we don't have to worry about getting ripped off every time we buy something. We can generally trust that when we shake hands on a deal, the other person is being straightforward with us. Of course, wisdom and good judgment still mandate a healthy amount of caution, but you can go through life with a fair amount of trust in your fellow man. But by Spinning its history the Mormon church has thrown its moral authority out the window.

By accepting that a little spin is justified, the Mormon Church has sacrificed it’s precariously balanced moral trust and thrown it out of whack. The urge to spin the truth has worked its way very subtly into the very fabric of Mormonism. The truth is no longer valued…it’s value is now placed in its new and improved faith promoting stories…that are loosly based on the truth or complete fabrications of how they wish things would have happened. It started with Joseph Smith when he stretched the facts or just plain out and out lied about his experiences. He was quick to rationalize and weasel out of jams with his spinning and lies. He became a master at shifting responsibility or leaving out undesirable facts. Before we knew it, spin became a regular part of Mormonisms communication practice with others.

Ethical communication is not only about what IS said, but what is NOT said. Rule #1 in spinning is to only tell people what they need to know. The LDS Church is a master at this. Some very important parts of the truth always seem to get conveniently left out when telling their foundational stories. Withholding information has become so easy to do without guilt or effort because all it requires them to do is to do nothing. No fibbing, no stories, no sweat, just a closed lip and the hope that no one reads between the lines. But make no mistake, lies by omission are still lies and are still wrong. The church fell to the temptation and left out undesirable details that would hinder the conversion of some prospective investigator. They feel their spin and lies are justified.

The moral of this story: Let the words that come out of our mouths be honest and devoid of spin. There should be no higher compliment than to have other people say that they can, "count on you for the truth." You will be believable, trusted, and respected. Ethical communication is an obligation. People expect it from you. In the world of Mormonism, where the spin-doctors operate, keep ourselves in good ethical health. Now that IS a lesson we can learn from our Mormon Experience

I incorporated ideas from and based this post on an original article written by Mark S. Putnam , Ethical Communications: Spinning the Truth.

Open Letter to Gordon Hinckley

I know that I am just pissng into a stiff wind...but I need to send the following letter to Gordon Hinckley. I can not sit back and take this crap lying down...I am so broken hearted at the prospect of NOT being able to witness my own TBM daughters wedding...I'm hoping that if enough people complain that at some time in the future the mormon church will change yet another long held policy...but I won't hold my breath.

President Gordon B.Hinckley, President
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
50 East North Temple
Salt Lake City, UT 84150

Dear President Hinckley:

It is my hope that those that serve you will not insulate you from my letter…although I am not naïve enough to think that you will actually get and read this correspondence.

On *** July, my daughter will be married in the **** LDS Temple. I, the father of the bride, however will not be admitted to witness my own daughters wedding because I am no longer a member of the LDS Church. I have been relegated to second class status and will stand outside the temple doors as my daughter is married. Instead of this being a joyful day to celebrate my beautiful daughter’s marriage…Our family will have a grey cloud hanging over us. But we will endure this excruciatingly painful process, that is placed on partial LDS families, for the sake of our daughter with class. It is truly sad when children are forced to choose between their religion and their families. More times than not…the non-believing family members become the casualty.

I am writing, as one father to another, in the remote hope that you, as a father, might empathize with the pain I feel by being excluded from my daughters wedding. I can not sit silent to this travesty and say nothing; it is not right, regardless of the LDS Churches motivation for this exclusionary policy, thus my motivation in writing you.

You alone (yes I understand your need to confirm any changes in Church policy with your God) have the authority to change this heartbreaking, exclusionary church policy. The LDS Church has an extensive history of making changes to long standing church policy when pressured by society or when motivated by necessity. (yes I understand that this is not the view you hold regarding changes in church policy)

At my own Temple wedding, all attendees were required to wear white…this policy was changed; attendees can now wear street clothes. African American’s were once excluded from Temple participation…this has changed. And as you are fully aware, many of the offensive elements of the Temple endowment have been removed or changed throughout the years…the most recent in 2005. Change is possible.

So on behalf of all in-active, non-recommend holding or non-member parents of children who choose to be married in an LDS Temple, I plead with you, father to father, to review this policy that prohibits parents from attending their own children’s weddings. Make Temple weddings a wonderful uniting experience, where "families" of all faiths, creeds and persuasions "can" truly "be together".

Sadly, any change in policy will not come soon enough for me…I can only hope that future parents will not suffer this painful exclusion at such an important and otherwise joyful time in their child’s life.

With Sincerity,

Cra@g In the Middle

*************************************************************************************

Some final thoughts:

So my daughter is a married woman ….I took a bullet for my daughter and bit my lip so as not to upset her or my TBM wife on this most special of days. I sat quietly outside the Temple as the ceremony was taking place inside without me…the father of the bride.

As I sat and reflected on my 2nd class status…I suddenly became nauseous…the reality of the exclusionary policy of the Mormon Church swept over me and I became emotionaly sick…all I wanted to do was throw up. But I held my cookies…and sat watching all the Morg-bots exiting the “International House of Handshakes” with their smiles pasted on their faces. (If only they knew the truth...or even cared)

After some time my daughter came out in similar fashion…my beautiful daughter has graduated into a full fledged Mormon….I ran to some bushes and lost my cookies…I wiped my mouth and went to greet my daughter and wife and other family members with that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Surprisingly, no one dared ask me why I hadn’t been in the Temple to witness my daughters wedding….Most people are still unaware that I am no longer a member of the Mormon church…a reality I haven’t gone totally public with at my wife’s request. I guess they assumed that I wasn’t worthy (what ever that is)…and that’s bullshit.

Some points of particular interest:

Last week a close TBM friend of mine informed me that he was having a mini-affair with another woman NOT his wife. He told me how he had felt up this girl at work who had been hitting on him, grabbing her bare breasts, sucking on her nipples and putting his hands down her pants… (well you get the picture) he told me this before the wedding asking what he should do…I insisted he attend the wedding...He did!

My son in law’s RM cousin, who according to my son in law is a closet gay, also attended the Temple wedding…he was accompanied at the reception by his boy friend. YES they’ve had sex. Family pressure requires him to remain closeted and act TBM for the family image...how sad.

Another friend who is a fellow member of my wife’s ward attended the Temple Wedding…he has a very nice wine collection…how do I know? I’ve sampled it often with him...as recently as a week ago...he came to the reception ...Buzzed.

Another attendee at my daughters Temple wedding ...drinks coffee (oh sin of sins) on a daily basis...I don’t judge these people they each have their reason’s to lie…and personally I applaud them and welcomed each of them to the wedding. It’s Mormonism and the pressure it places on people to conform to their artificial standards and hide their true identities that I criticize.

So the moral of this story… all one has to do to get into a Mormon Temple is Lie. Something I refuse to do. Now I don’t fault one of these people for attending my daughters wedding, in fact I’m actually glad that they were able to attend. But it points out the lies and the fraud behind the Mormon’s churches claim that their Temple are Holy and Sacred. This is another Mormon myth. The Temple reflects society. But because a Mormon Temple recommend is also a status symbol…Mormon’s will do anything, yes even lie…to get one…Now I would assume that most Temple attendees meet the Mormon so called worthy standards…but YES there are a lot that merely go through the motions to act Mormon, They have a recommend for appearance purposes only and just don’t want to face the crap that a TBM spouse or family would give them if they didn’t hold a recommend...can you say Cult?

A few years ago in the city where I live, a Temple worker was caught with his pants down …ah should we say at the receiving end…while in a public park having sex with someone NOT his wife or of the opposite sex. He was charged with one count of public ludeness. While on his way to the jail house to be processed, he pulled out his Temple recommend in an effort to influence the policemen that he was a good decent citizen of the city and they should let him go. This all became public when printed in the local paper. And you wonder why they removed the naked touching part of the initiatory. This in a nut shell is what Mormonism is all about…it forces good people to lie about silly things and bad people to lie about gross disgusting things…all so they can have a silly piece of paper. Pay Lay Ale!

What the Hell is Wrong With Being Yourself?

Acting how you want to be…what the world needs is “in-di-vid-u-al-i-ty”.

Yet here we are… the product of a cult built on tearing down and destroying the individual and creating millions of cookie cutter copies of conformity in every ward, stake, district and branch.

Anyone who dares to stick their head up and celebrate their individuality is quickly and summarily whacked back into place…by the Morg’s "Wack-A-Mole" hammer of conformity Gestopo's played willingly by church member’s who impose their scrutiny, judgments and opinions on anyone who choses to be different.

Church leaders are continuously instructing its membership how to be the same. Wearing the same white shirts for men has become a symbol for Mormon men’s cult status. Women are told how many earrings they can wear and the type of clothing they can wear. Mormon youth are instructed in conformity at a very young age. Told what to wear and how to wear it. Conformity and so-called clothing “Standard” are promoted. The Mormon church has even extended it's influence into the school systems of Utah ,imposeing it's dress standards on everyone within the school boundaries. And heaven forbid anyone should express their individuality by sporting a tattoo or wearing a beard or mustache.

Last month I saw a wonderful show in London called “Billy Elliott” one of the show stoppers was a song called “Expressing Yourself” …I have tweaked some of the words for our unique situation…but the message is powerful…What’s the Hell Wrong with Expressing yourself… Enjoy…

Expressing Yourself

What the hells wrong with expressing yourself?

Being who you want to be?

Will anybody die if you have a tattoo?

Who the hell cares if your dress shirt is blue?

Start a new fashion, buck all the trends.

Emphasize in-teg-rit-eeeee.

Cos what the hell is wrong with expressing yourself

For wanting to be me?

What the hells wrong with being yourself …

for wanting to breath free

Who the hell is it you try to impress

All you have to do is learn to care less

Start a new fashion, buck all the trends

Screw, Con-form-i-ty

Cus what the hell is wrong with expressing yourself?

For trying to be me.

If you wanna wear two earrings, fine

Want ideas for tattoos? Look at mine.

If you want to dress like somebody else,Fine! Fine! Fine!

It's not a big statement, it's not a weird act

Just a good idea at the time

We'll not complain about your boring Morg life

If you'll just leave me alone for mine.

If you wanna wear a white shirt, fine

Just don't tell me what to do with mine

Don’t impose your standards on everyone else

I’ll be who I want … You can FUCK Yourself

Everyone is different It's the natural state

It's the facts, it's plain to see,

The world's grey enough … without being the same

What - we - need - is

In-div-id-ual-i-ty.

The Mormon Plan of Happiness

I don’t understand this “Mormon Plan of Happiness” claim. When 2 mormon missionaries knock on the door of some unsuspecting non-Mormon family, whether they realize it or not, they are doing so with ulterior motives to userp the current foundations of this family and replace it with the so-called Mormon Plan of Happiness. Metaphorically speaking, they are trying to throw a fucking nuclear bomb into an other wise happy family environment. The missionaries have one goal in mind and that is to destroy the current foundations of that happy family and replace it with the Mormon churches cookie cutter, one size fits all worldview by offering their false hope of an eternal family.... Oh and the best part is that the promised pay off only occurs after you are dead. If, as is usually the case with any conversion, the missionaries only convince part of the family to convert, then the missionaries have not brought a plan of happiness ... but a plan of destruction and divisiveness. They have actually destroyed an other wise happy family.

How many families does Mormonism destroy each year because of their message of lies? Having experienced the divisive nature of this so called Mormon Plan of Happiness first hand and know how it actually plays out in a home where two parents believe in two opposite worldviews...I KNOW that Mormonism destroys families with its lies.Oh but I forgot...you do get some nifty magic underwear, the privilege of forgoing 10% of your gross income and the giving of all your time to the Mormon church...I guess there are some bennifits in this life I failed to mention (tongue placed firmly in check)

"Time is a Great Equalizer"

Its been said that “Time is the Great Equalizer” this being the case then the LDS church has little hope before time takes a huge toll out on Mormonism.

In the early days of the church, Joseph Smith made plausible claims regarding the inhabitants of this continent. At the “time” his explanation, as seen in his Book of Mormon, seemed within the realm of believability. The great American West had only recently been explored and was still slowly releasing its secrets. Other seemingly authoritative figures seemed in sink with Smith’s explanations...after all Native American Populations springing from Israel bloodlines was not an original elucidation on Smith's part.

But Smith made one huge mistake...he didn’t postulate his explanation of the origination of the American Indian as theory...no he stated it as FACT...even worse...it was a fact from God Himself.

At first (as is the case in many frauds) Smith struck gold.... as information coming from Central American explorations seemed to lend support to the claims Smith had made through his Book of Mormon. Reports started to circulate throughout the country of massive, formerly unknown civilizations that had previously existed on the American continent. These extinct societies seemed at first to fit within the parameters set up by Smith in his book. Mormonism thrived. Mormonism’s adherents could look at real cities, actual buildings, artifacts and cultures and boldly proclaim with pride that these are the remnants of the people described in the book Joseph wrote. The prophet Joseph told us they were there...now look here they are. Mormon Missionaries would travel throughout the world spreading the word...that the Native American population consisted of three middle eastern immigrations...and look there are three distinct civilized Central American populations that flourished in the Americas...just like the Book of Mormon claims.

Enterprising Mormons even went so far as to organize tour groups so that the truly believing could walk were Nephi and Lehi had supposedly walked.

But time is the final great equalizer...and time has not been good to the claims of Joseph Smith nor his book.

Today we know that not one single thread of evidence has been found that supports even one of the claims made in the Book of Mormon.

* Millions of so called descendants of father Lehi have simply evaporated into thin air as DNA has confirm that Native American populations are of Asian descent not of Israel bloodlines

* Despite millions of tithing dollars having been spent in a failed attempt to find actual physical proof supporting a Nephite and Lamanites existance...to date nothing supportive has materialized.

* Central American Civilizations formerly tagged by Mormons as proof of Book of Mormon people have been found NOT to support Book of Mormon claims but have actually been shown to support those who theorized that these populations originated in Asia.

* Mormon General Authorities who formerly proudly proclaimed Native Americas as Lamanites, have completely retreated...some have even postulated in private that North American Indians are NOT descended from Lehi...in direct contrast to Mormon Scripture.

* The Mormon Church has even changed the name from its formerly known “Lamanite Generation” dancing troop...removing all reference to the word “Lamanite”

* Pacific Natives also once proudly claimed as descendants of the Americas...have been found to have immigrated from southeast Asia...NOT the Americas...as Mormon theology has claimed for 150 years

* And in a sad attempt to shore up its foundations the Mormon Church has even had to resort to a schizophrenic duel theory for the actual setting of the Book of Mormon...because old Hemispheric setting were being found to be unsupportive of Book of Mormon claims.

Each new discovery seems to whittle away at the very foundations of Mormon dogma...until today the church can not point to a single person alive today say definitively “This is a Lamanite“. Leaving the burning question.... Who the Fuck was the Book of Mormon written for then if not to the so-called descendants of Lehi? Wasn‘t this book of Mormon scripture supposed to help convert Lehi’s offspring? So where the Fuck are they?

No time has NOT been good to the claims of Mormonism...and I dare say this trend will only intensify as TIME goes by.

Joseph Smith Jr vs Charles Darwin

I’ve been reading a book on the life of Charles Darwin, a contemporary of Joseph Smith. I can’t help but see many of the same thought processes, cognitive dissonance and ah hah moments in Darwin’s life that I have experienced in my life. It is interesting to see Darwin’s thought process “evolve” as he is presented with more and more information that conflicts with what he had been taught throughout his life. Somehow I relate.

Darwin was brought up in a somewhat freethinking family. His father wanted him to study medicine and be a doctor. He didn’t enjoy medicine so after a few years of medical study altered his focus to become a clergyman ... of all things.

At the time of Darwin, society believed that God created all life. Each living creature was His perfect creation. God being perfect , created each living thing to be exactly as it was, there was no variation...each was Gods creation by design.

But as Darwin was soon to discover during his voyage on the Beagle... reality did not support this long held religious explanation for the existance of life on the earth. Facts don’t lie. And as Darwin soon discovered, there was variation within the same species living on different islands. But how could this be? Did God Create different versions of the same animals and place them on different islands? Did Noah place these animals throughout the earth? And how did an original population of finches from the mainland migrate to the Galapagos and then change into several species? Yet there was no denying reality... Darwin could tell which island a particular bird or turtle or lizard lived on based simply on the variations each of these animals held from their cousin species living on different islands.

The light didn’t go on immediately for Darwin. It took months of study before he privately concluded that animal life evolved from one generation to the next through mutation and adaptation, “Natural Selection” and many more years before he took his evolution theory public.
Darwin’s theory of Evolution was heretical. It forever changed how we view the world. TRUTH and ANSWERS to DIFFICULT QUESTIONS drove Darwin irrespective of where they may take him. Society, religion, culture, reputation be damned.

As a former believer in Mormonism, my world was turned upside down as well. When I finally decided to examine the beliefs of my youth and subject them to the buffetings of reality. I placed the foundational claims of Joseph Smith on the “Scales of Truth” and found them out of balance.

Just like Darwin ... each of us has had or is seeking our ah hah moment ... our own epiphany of clarity, when the puzzle pieces of cognitive dissonance finally fall into place and the fog of confusion is lifted.

For those of you still in pursuit of this clarity ... stay focused on your desire for truth; know that there are answers to difficult questions. For those of you have had those puzzle pieces fall into place, well done, you have chosen correctly.

Fighting Through the Darkness

Yesterday I posted on opportunities I passed on that could have led me out of the church at a much younger age. I detailed some of the difficult feelings I had when I first confronted evidence that conflicted with official foundational stories I had been taught at church. I now know that these feelings were nothing more than my brain reacting, trying to accommodate incompatible information that was at variance with other seemingly true church claims. Black can not be both black and white at the same exact time. The earth can not be both 6 billion years old and 6,000 years old at the same time...sorry folks but I’m just not smart enough to accept this. There can’t both be "no death" prior to Adam and "death" prior to Adam it has to be one or the other. I can't see where the Mormon God, being all-perfect, would use a tool of fraud to translate his so-called sacred scripture and then hide this fact from the general church membership. Yet these are examples of exactly what we were supposed to believe. It was obvious that these claims can not both be true at the same time. Just as two objects can not occupy the same space at the same time...two opposing truth claims can not both be true at the same time. Either one is true or the other is false. or both are false...but both can not both be true. Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting notions as being true at the same time...we either embrace one or reject the other or merely ignore the reality of the conflicting claim. There is no middle ground.

As TBM’s most of us gave the church the benefit of doubt, at least at first. For me it was just unfathomable that this so-called organization that claimed to be the vessel of all moral, ethical and religious authority in the Universe could be anything other than what it claimed. Yet here I was as a young missionary being exposed to information that was 180 degrees opposite from what I had been taught...and to make matters worse the information seemed so credible...how could this be? Thus the cognitive dissonance and the swing into darkness.

In my own experience, it took years for me to accumulate enough inconsistent information for the scales to finally tip against the church. I fought hard for this not to happen. I compartmentalized, ignored, rationalized and excused everything that conflicted with the official church claim. And even then, I didn’t want to believe that the organization I had given my life to was based on a fraud.

I fought hard NOT to accept the truth. I’ve risked practically everything I value in this life...but in the end the accumulation of knowledge was so overwhelming that I had to finally accept it.

Those who have gone through a near death drowning experience say that once they accepted the reality of death, they found an unbelievable peace. In that place just between consciousness and darkness they find peace. Acceptance of their reality that life was over is part of finding this peace. They fight like hell NOT to die...yet in the end they find peace through acceptance. This is were I am with my loss of belief in Mormonism. I have fought like hell to maintain a belief in unbelievable things... I gave Mormonism over 40 years of my life... I NEVER wanted the church NOT to be everything that it claims to be, yet to my utter surprise it was only after I accepted my reality that I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel and find peace with my life.

To all of you still fighting to maintain belief...take your time...fight like hell if you must ...but you will only find peace with acceptance of reality.