Tuesday, September 16, 2014

F.A.I.R. to release **NEW THEORY** for Book of Mormon Setting

With the disappointment of the Hemispheric model ,the Limited Geography theory and the Heartland theories to produce any supporting evidence for the setting of the Book of Mormon… apologists at F.A.I.R. ,who know the conclusions before the questions are even asked, have scrambled to come up with some theory to explain where exactly Book of Mormon people actually existed. After going back to the drawing board they have come up with a brilliant new geographical theory to settle once and for all where the Book of Mormon actually took place.

The new theory, which has already produce evidentiary results, is called the “Head of Pin” theory or HOP theory for short. Knowing how difficult it is to find a pin or needles in a haystack, church apologists predict that it will take generations of searching haystacks throughout both North and South America before any pins will be found that could potentially disqualify the HOP as a viable theory for the setting of Book of Mormon people. This, they predict, will serve a dual purpose 01.) It will give the church enough time to indoctrinate multiple generations of Mormon’s with this new theory….thus giving the church continued and sustained growth for the foreseeable future and 02.) It will give the church ammunition against its critics…LDS apologists will now be able to ask…”Yes but have you searched all of the hay stacks in the Americas? And ”just because you can’t find those pins in those haystacks is not evidence that they did not exist or didn’t exist in another haystack.”

Initial results with the new theory have already shown promise… for the first time in recorded history actual evidence has been found that supports Book of Mormon claims. In what has been up to this time an embarrassing anachronism in the Book of Mormon actual evidence of Book of Mormon elephants has been found. “Evidently, …we just weren't asking the right questions, but elephants have been on the heads of pins all along…we were looking in the wrong hay stacks all this time” said FAIR spokesperson Heber C. Scoldfield, “they have been living on the heads of pins just as the Book of Mormon claims". With this new evidence Apologist now have confirmation to support the Book of Mormon claim that Elephants did in fact exist during the Book of Mormon time line. This new evidence supports Book of Mormon claims and gives reason to expect that support will be found to dismiss other Book of Mormon anachronisms in the near future with the search of enough hay stacks. “I have no doubt now that Horses also lived on pin heads in ancient Book of Mormon times.” said Scoldfield.


Excitement in the Latter-day Saint community is reaching a fever pitch with this new announcement. Already tour groups are being formed that will allow Mormon’s to actually go on hay stack pin searches throughout North and South America. Even Rodney Meldrum is rethinking his Heartland Theory saying…” Why didn’t I think of this first?…Searching for pins in hay stacks is so much more profitable then my heartland expedition tours.”

**BREAKING NEWS** New evidence found in a South American Haystack confirms that the Book of Mormon took place inside the eye of a needle


Ron Sudweeks said...

My name is Ron Sudweeks. My email address is: rsudweeks@sbcglobal.net. I believe the BOM lands are right around the New York Hill Cumorah. I invite you and others to view my theory. Go to Youtube.com, search on Book of Mormon Theories and click on the icon to see videos/presentations. The BOM lands are where Joseph Smith got and returned the gold plates. Very interesteresting!

Cr@ig said...

Dear Ron,

Thanks for your comment....but I think you are delusional. All of the empirical evidence supports the reality that the Hill Cumorah is a fictional creation of Joseph Smith. While there is a hill in upstate New York name Cumorah, its only historical claim is as the location assigned to it by Joseph Smith due to his treasure hunting days and to support his made up story of finding gold plates. There never were ancient battles fought on or near this upstate New York sight other than those fought within the mind of its author Joseph Smith

David Farnsworth said...

Who calls it the HOP theory besides you?

No one at FairMormon calls it that. In fact, FairMormon does not even HAVE a theory that resembles it any way, shape, or form.

Cr@ig said...

Ah David...Its called satire...