It totally crushed me, when I started down this road of discovery, to learn that the Mormon Church had lied, covered up and withheld pertinent, essential information from me to come to an understanding of its truth claims.
I remember sitting in my car one day crying uncontrollably as this reality sunk in. I had given my life to an organization that had made promises to my family and me, I had made real sacrifices in both time talents and money for the church and these bastards didn’t have the moral dignity to tell me the truth?
I had a very difficult time wrapping my brain around this reality…why would they lie to me? I went through long periods of depression… revisiting my conclusions over and over, requestioning them still again and again. Yet each time that I have…I have come back to the conclusion that the leaders of the LDS church have been in a certifiable conspiracy to restrict information and keep it from the general church membership. I can only assume that they feel they have some noble purpose or cause that they feel is more important then my right to know the truth. They must believe they know what is better for me than I do.
They believe their lies are justified because, in their opinions, the church does so many positive things for individuals and families.
Who the fuck do they think they are to use me as a rat in their noble maze? Their lies have exposed my family to untold pain and trauma. And who knows if we’ll have the ability to survive it…all because Joseph lied about his experiences and those who followed him chose to carry on the fraud.
When I discovered the lies about the foundational claims of Mormonism, that church leaders had massaged facts, whitewashed historical events, doctored reality to support their desires to manipulate church membership to their so called higher purpose...it nearly killed me.
What gives them the right to fuck with my life! To make promises to me of an eternal family life ... a promise that they will never have to deliver on. What gives them the right to manipulate reality and restrict our lives, to take our hard earned money…so that their so called higher purposes can be fulfilled.
NO Organization has the moral right to take away a person's moral agency by depriving them of information they need to utilize that agency - and yet that is exactly what the Mormon Church does...They literally broke my heart!
13 comments:
I now you don't know me but I found your blog and have been moved my it. I have a hard time expressing my feelings about the suppressed information thay the leaders of the church felt they had to hide from me. I now know what they were so affraid of. I see the rise of the information era as the downfall of the Mormon Church. More people are beginning to wake up and smell the lies each and every day. I hope you don't mind but I have added your link to my blog that I just started. I think it is important for people to see that we are not alone in this. I admire your candid expression and wish you the best of luck.
Craig, I do know one thing.... The real God that hears, knows, created the universe and you: wants your broken heart. He may even want to put those pieces back together in such a way that you can help all the other "deceived" mormans that will be leaving the church in the not so distant future. The real Christ wants to reveal Himself in such a way as to have your own personal relationship with Him and not someone else's opinion of a relationship! Keep praying for the blinders to come off your family, they will but it takes the real God to remove them....He helped you!!
Jenn
Jen,
Thanks for your kind well meaning comments. The evidence that I've studied does not support any god...there was no Adam and Eve, no flood, no Exodus or Christ.
There may have been a human named Jesus whom his followers turned into a god, but I seriously doubt that the GOD you believe in even exists. Sadly all the evidence supports a scientific world view rather than your magical word view.
Just the same thanks for your kind remarks...I do have times when I mourn my loss of faith-based religion...it was at times comforting.
Cr@ig
Yes, for me too. I often find myself thinking about how easy it would be to pray and to put the responsibility for my, at times, miserable life. Then I wake up and remember that it was all a lie.
Iam exmor but through some miracle did find christ when i was young even though i was mormon.
my family 5 of 8 children still devout and mother as well. it was devastating. but i have always known jesus to be my best friend.
the mormon church is a travesty.i am still bitter to a fault.
i think you need to move to a place of objectivity. satans favorite game is telling the truth with just a little bit of a lie laced in.then expanding on the lie untill all that is left is a lace of truth. that way when you discover the lie the whole thing appears to be untruth. the bible says the heart is desperately wicked and deceitful and there is plenty of evidence to support this solid truth(teenage pregnancy,sexual abuse etc.). what i'm slowly coming around to is you must seperate your feelings from faith for a time and never trust your heart with out checking with your head first. i am still recovering after 15 years of being out.i had to go all the way back and start over if you go back to no god just make sure that at some point you reconsider him because its important. wait untill your feelings are not so raw.jesus is present in my life i almost lost him when i left the church too but he chased me down and wouldnt let me go. i and my church group will be praying that god dosent let go of you either.
d my name removed and the whole bit. Haven't told my religious mother or sisters. My husband is the only one who knows, not even my children who are all over 21. I too feel let down by a church who confesses to be so family oriented. Went to primary, went to sememary, went to the temple, etc but when our daughter got preg. and wasn't married the church members turned their backs on us and we were told that "that baby needed to go to a GOOD 2 parent LDS family not to a single mother like my daughter." She was 19 at the time. We quit going then and through other "RULES" that were broken by my husband and with the threat of being "exed" by the higher ups in the church, I decided to leave. Do I regret it??? Nope.
Haven't read the other replies yet...
The Church does this b/c of one thing. Tithing. The Church is a multi-billion dollar industry. Of course, they keep all the financials a secret, so we have no idea how rich they really are. My husband (a firm believer) told me once that the really high-up Church leaders are paid... because they have to be. They put their whole lives into the Church and don't have time to work a separate job. Hmmm... So not only is the church very wealthy, but also the highest officials are paid. That is their job. If the church falls apart and is exposed, think of how much money would be lost. And think of how many members would be suing the Church. They are protecting their own backs.
One more thing. I know you don't believe in God. However, I do b/c as I search out the truth in all of these Mormon lies, I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to show me the truth. To please tell me if the Church is true or not. I've had some very specific answers to my prayers that the Church isn't true. I know that God answered my prayers and confirmed to me that it isn't true. I just can't seem to get my husband to listen to me....
I love your blog! I am in the same boat as you and it's nice to know someone feels the same. Just a thought on your retort to Jen about God...you've got to admit even if God isn't scientifically proven, there is some kind of energy, force, intuition or instinct that we all are able to feel if we choose to. Some just choose to call it God or christ or lord b/c that is what they have been taught. As for me I call it the flow. This same flow is what caused the big bang.
As far as a flood, I believe there actually was one about 10,000 years ago. Whether Noah existed is another question. It was the flood from the ice dam breaking or simply from the ice age melting and that's scientifically proven. People survived all over the world from this. You could compare it to global warming these days.
There are a lot of spiritual scientists...look up Carl Sagan, Rick Strassman or Terrance McKenna.
Thnks, Meagan
I love your blog! I am in the same boat as you and it's nice to know someone feels the same. Just a thought on your retort to Jen about God...you've got to admit even if God isn't scientifically proven, there is some kind of energy, force, intuition or instinct that we all are able to feel if we choose to. Some just choose to call it God or christ or lord b/c that is what they have been taught. As for me I call it the flow. This same flow is what caused the big bang.
As far as a flood, I believe there actually was one about 10,000 years ago. Whether Noah existed is another question. It was the flood from the ice dam breaking or simply from the ice age melting and that's scientifically proven. People survived all over the world from this. You could compare it to global warming these days.
There are a lot of spiritual scientists...look up Carl Sagan, Rick Strassman or Terrance McKenna.
Thnks, Meagan
I accidently came upon your blog and was awakened to to fact that I have been misled by so many lies, as you have put it. When you discovedred the lies you felt the need to expose them for what they were. I still remain some what confused though. Help me, Craig, to fill this void. What can you give me to put in the place of where the church existed Is there a God? Is there another church I should align myself with? If not, should we start exposing the lies in these other religions? The LDS church is relatively small, so shouldn't we be helping the millions of Catholics, Baptists, Hindus, etc. How can I get further enlightenment? You seemed to have started your awakening after your "indescretion". Would it help enlighten me more if I were to commit adultery? Is that what opened your eyes? I see from one of your comments that you are no longer bound down by the Word of Wisdom. Should I start consuming alcohol? Did that help you to get further enlightenment? I am further confused by the members of the church that seem to be a little mored learned than I am. In the church are historians, scientists, lawyers, doctors, etc. Men and women of great learning that have searched church history to the max. Why do they choose to live this lie? They must see it. I know you are very smart, I can see that from your writings, but these are also some pretty smart folks. What do they get from deciding to live the lie? It confuses me. Anyway, Please help. Confused
Well anonymous (nice name)…it must have been providence itself that caused you to stumble onto my humble little blog. I mean in all seriousness how else could you explain it. It was fate that bought you here.
To answer some of your questions…my dear sincere anonymous searcher of truth… how observant of you to notice that it wasn’t until after I had been excommunicated (due to my ravenous desire to sin) that I discovered the lies of Mormonism and felt the need to expose the church for what it truly is… YES you must have been in tune with the Universe, since you’ve been able to sense that it was through my “Indiscretions” that I was able to be fully awaken to the lies…oh how I give thanks to my great master Satan who gave me the desire to sin…so that I might see Mormonism for what it truly is…For it is ONLY through sinning that the Truth can be fully opened to you.
So my dear anonymous friend…choose a sin of your personal liking…and commit it…for only then will Mormonism’s lies become fully clear to you. And as for replacing the fraud of the church in your life….well SIN will replace all of the joy you will surely lose once your eyes have been opened.
For if you fail to sin you will still believe in the Mormon lies….that the earth will only have a temporal existence of 6,000 years and that dinosaurs were placed here on earth during god’s creation process to confuse us and that there was no death before 4,000 BC. It is only after you have sinned that you can see the world for what it really is…a 4.5 billion year old globe with an examinable fossil record of stupid facts that get in the way of god’s so called truth. Damn science…with all of its facts and figures.
Since I have never committed adultery, I couldn’t really comment on that particular sin…but since that one seems to turn your crank…I suggest you take full advantage of it…and then as they say in the temple…”Return and Report” You see I was somewhat silly in my choice of sins…I decided to keep my temple covenants…but I’m sure you can forgive me for being so silly in doing so…since I was still under the power of the Mormon cult.
As for the word of wisdom…well I believe in living the word of wisdom like my hero Joseph Smith did….or should I say didn’t. Yeah kind of funny now…but he NEVER lived it. God that’s funny…he drank and smoked and he even had HOT caffeine…right up until the day he died. Guess that’s just one tiny little detail that they chose to forget to teach us in Sunday school. But don’t go looking for proof of that claim of mine since the church removed all references to that little detail from the history of the church…in fact you’d have to go look at a first edition of the church history to find that little gem that the church didn’t want you to know about.
As for all the historians, scientists, lawyers, doctors that seem to know all of the difficult things in the history of the church and still believe…well that is how it is in cults…reality is often tossed aside to maintain belief. I mean come on anonymous…how else can you explain why these seemingly smart people believe in a bronze aged, Christian, Egyptian writing, metal smelting, horse and chariot riding, cow and goat milking civilization that seemed to exist among a stone aged, pagan worshiping, glyph writing, non-metal smelting, horseless and wheel-less, cow and goat-less civilization. Sometimes smart people allow their feelings to get in the way of facts and reality.
So anonymous I am so glad that your sincere truth search led you to my blog…please make sure that your sarcasm doesn’t blind you to an honest search for truth and reality.
Thanks for sharing. I love reading your blog because it says exactly how I and many others feel.
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