Tuesday, July 01, 2008

I Wanted Mormonism's Claims to be True...But instead, It Broke My Heart

I absolutely loved the LDS Church. I loved the culture, I loved the people, I loved and looked up to the GA’s as examples to base my life on and I loved the comfort that I had the TRUTH. I could with an aire of confident pride look at my fellow man and feel sadness and compassion for their lack of belief in accepting Mormonism’s truth. I took comfort in knowing that I was not just another human being walking blindly on the face of the earth... I knew who I was; I was a Child of God... a God in embryo. Yeah, I bought the “Snake Oil” and all its promises of families being together forever.... eternal marriage.... Godhood...eternal progress...That’s what makes it hurt so much even today. To discover the lies, the whitewashing, and the glorification of history to make it more spiritually uplifting, to have been taught the foundational stories as the church wanted its history to have played out rather than how it actually did play out.... I feel lied to and deceived by the very people I had placed such total confidence in. They lied to me and continue to lie to promote their agenda of belief. But belief in lies is just a false hope.

Coming to the realization that the LDS Church is not what it calms to be…has been the most painful experience of my life…yes even more so than being subjected to the church court which led to my excommunication (which was the second most painful experience of my life) Discovering that the church of my birth, has lied about its foundational claims…is more than I care to bare. Yet the facts that lead me to this conclusion seem beyond reproach. I just can’t fake it any longer; I can’t hold the pieces of the puzzle together in my head any longer. Much like the Dutch boy with his fingers in the dike holding back the flood. I had been plugging the many conflicts in my faith in Mormonism since my mission and the dam just finally broke. I can’t hold all the conflicting so called truths…one must be true while the other false. Conflicting claims of truth can’t all be true. I have to accept reality!

Mormonism is amazing to me in that regard...its ability to get its "knowledgeable" members to ignore credible information that conflicts with the offical church scrubed stories. How do these active members maintain these conflicting bits of information in their head while still being able to maintain faith in the church. God bless em I say ...I just couldn't lie to myself any longer. I no longer had the ability to maintain the cognitive dissonance.

Gordon B. Hinckley and many others have said that the church is either the truth or it’s a fraud...its either what it claims to be or it isn't. The fact that the church needs to lie and cover-up and whitewash and doctor and change its history and foundational stories in order to make them more faith promoting, finally collapsed what faith I still had remaining. I asked myself.... Would Jesus need to lie to support belief in Him? I answer that by saying NO, He wouldn't need to lie...which begs the question...then why would HIS church need to lie? Gordon Hinckley challenged members of the church to stand for something…well I decided to stand for TRUTH.

But most active Mormon’s won't expose themselves to the conflicting information.....it’s just too painful. My dear wife, whom I love to death...barely listens to anything I have to say on the subject. I have no credibility with her. It has broken her heart to see me lose the faith and belief I once held so dear, but I couldn't live a lie any longer. I refuse to live a lie for anyone. The church may be the greatest thing ever invented…but if it was invented…and its not what it claims to be, then I want nothing to do with it

The average run of the mill active believing member of the church won't listen to reason....they have been so conditioned by the church that they won’t listen to alternative ideas when they come in conflict with the church’s version of foundational claims. Questioning is not encouraged…if in so doing it questions faith in official stories. Even when confronted with factual documented proof...active members discard it as anti-Mormon falsehoods. How do I know this...that description used to be me.

My ah hah moment was when I finally decided that I had to know the truth no matter what the consequences...When I allowed myself to search for the truth even at the cost of my faith...it was over. The truth won out. I didn't like the truth...the truth was extremely painful, but I couldn't deny it either…the evidence against Mormonism is overwhelming.

I have no agenda against the church...you won't find me at conference holding up signs promoting what I’ve discovered... I just want to live an honest athentic life and be the best person, husband, father I can be….

One thing I’ve learned through this process of discovery is that it is not possible to accept reality unless you are willing to accept the remote possibility that the church may not be what it claims to be. If you can't accept that possibility...then you will never accept reality when it comes to church claims.



Anonymous said...

Throughout this whole post you talk about finally coming to the truth and learning that what you had believed was a lie. Yet you never really come out and say what convinced you. Where did the "truth" come from? God or some other source? Just curious. I wish the best for you and hope you find what you're looking for. And if you don't mind answering the question I'd be interested in hearing what you found.

Cr@ig said...

Another Anonymous post...Arggg….but fair question.

Mormon’s like to quote the Biblical scripture Joseph Smith plagiarized into his Book of Mormon…”line upon line, precept upon precept” but that is exactly how knowledge is attained, one line or concept at a time…layer after layer until knowledge is attained.

As a Mormon I trusted that my Mormon instruction from General Conferences, Sunday School, Priesthood classes, Seminary, Institute etc taught the truth. Call me silly, but truth is unchangeable, absolute and if tested will still remain unscathed by the test. Truth will always come out the victor.

As an active believing Mormon, I had occasionally encountered information in my life that challenged many of the things that Mormon’s claim as being true. GOD himself had told me that Mormonism was true…so I shelved my doubts, set the conflicting information aside and pressed on in my Mormon responsibilities and beliefs.
One day the weight of everything I had placed on my shelf became too great and I knew I had to find answers to resolve my many doubts. I did so confidently knowing that the Truth of the Church could withstand this test.
As I delved into church history, I discovered a foreign world…one so very different from the one I had been taught. I soon learned that the church history taught in official church settings is NOT the real history of the church. I was pained leaning the very human reality of the foundational claims of Mormonism beginnings. Instead of finding God’s hand…I found man’s.

I then turned my attention to the Book of Mormon. I had been taught a very traditional hemispheric view of the BoM people. That all of the native populations of the America’s were descendants of Jewish Lehi. But as I studied population growth models, DNA, archeology, linguistics, anthropology and sociology, I soon realized that the many claims made by the BoM regarding its civilizations only existed in fiction.

I went looking for Truth….expecting to have my faith in Mormonism confirmed…instead I found Truth and lost all confidence in Mormonism’s claims.
I then turned to the claims made in the Bible…many of which Mormonism is dependent on…such as the stories of Adam and Eve, Noah, Babel and yes even Christ.

I tested these claims against testable verifiable truth…and once again Truth held firm…but the claims made in the Bible did not.
I never wanted to be an agnostic evolutionist …but testable, verifiable Truth took me there.

Elder Joseph said...

You said in the Blog Post

"But most active Mormon’s won't expose themselves to the conflicting information.....it’s just too painful. My dear wife, whom I love to death...barely listens to anything I have to say on the subject. I have no credibility with her."

I know the feeling and what its like being in such a predicament. I actually thought that I was going to be of great interest to TBM's with my discoveries of church History and that they would say well done,these are great questions !


Boy was I in for a shock and suprise.I've been left abandoned and not only that,one close and meaningful friend promised me she would never run away from tough questions as they help to grow her testimony!

She ran away and I'm left to feel like I've committed some kind of crime.

I'm also in an area in life for the first time where athiestic feelings knock and evolutionary waves roar and the only relief is agnostic feelings when I can get them.

Cr@ig said...

Welcome Elder Joseph.

The sad reality for members of the church is that they are not interested in finding truth...if they were, then they would welcome all knowledge...both positive and negative as long as it was True.

But the sad reality is that Active Mormon's only want to be RIGHT. So they are only interested in information that supports their claims.

Ray Agostini said...

This post certainly puts a very clear perspective on your journey, Craig. Thanks for posting that. Efforts at explaining ourselves are never vain when we get added insights into a person. And I think you realise that members of the Church will never say "Amen" to this post.

jen said...

One thing I know is God doesn't change. His bible is still true but unless you read it with an open heart it is just words on a page. When I got over being angry at God for my marriage to a alcoholic cowboy, I realized His word has to cut into my heart and expose my ugly feelings in order to change them. I never thought I could be in the wrong after all the wrong things my ex did to me and my children. I realized I had alot of emotional hurts that came out as hatred, cynical, scoffing and on and on. I feel like a house that is not built on a real foundation like God intended it too, will only crash and what a mess. Everyones lives are tested by storms, marriages, even churches. When Christ died on the cross the curtain from the temple was torn in two. That meant we no longer need a priest to go in the throne room of God's grace but thru the blood of Jesus we can enter in with our prayers and He hears us. He will answer too. Even Jesus tarried in prayer, while His Father heard Him it takes time to get our answers. But it is worth the wait...


Mormon Heretic said...


It seems you are mad at Mormonism, but not Judiasm, or Christianity. Aren't they just as culpable?

Sal :-) said...

Craig can I just encourage you to keep seeking God. You have his word in the bible and you have FREEDOM in Christ to read his word and take all your issues to Christ in Prayer.

Pray for your wife. Pray for a loving marraige between the two of you. Don't give up mate.

Sal :-) said...

Opps forgot to add that from adversity comes prosperity.

Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women
in a Bible study and they
wondered what this statement
meant about the character and
nature of God.

One of the women offered to
find out the process of refining
silver and get back to the group
at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an
appointment to watch him at
work. She didn't mention
anything about the reason for
her interest beyond her curiosity
about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith,
he held a piece of silver over
the fire and let it heat up. He
explained that in refining silver,
one needed to hold the silver in
the middle of the fire where
the flames were hottest as to
burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it
was true that he had to sit there
in front of the fire the whole time.
The man answered that yes, he
not only had to sit there holding
the silver, but he had to keep
his eyes on the silver the entire
time it was in the fire. If the silver
was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a
moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know
when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered,
'Oh, that's easy --
when I see my image in it.'

If today you are feeling the heat
of the fire , remember that God
has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His
image in you.

Gary said...

I started my journey out of Mormonism about a year ago, and just about 4 months ago I had the courage to tell my wife about my findings. Now we are both bible believing Christians. Our lives have changed dramatically and we praise God everyday for leading us out and into a relationship with Him.

Of course it has been a hard road, we still have yet to let her family know, but all of our friends know and that has been hard on them also. When I found out things that I never was taught in the church, my world around started to crumble, and it felt like I was living in my own nightmare. What got me through it was reading the Word everyday and learning about the real Jesus. I never thought I could ever tell my wife about my findings, but with prayer it all worked out.

I know that in some cases divorce happens, families turn on each other and even disowns each other, but I guess I am one of the lucky few. I know that there are Mormons out there who are reading this who have a searching heart, all I can say to you is don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to search things out, but don't confuse your feelings for the truth. The Bible makes it very clear that your heart can be deceitful, and to hold fast to that which is good and to prove all things.

You owe it to yourself to know the truth.

Anonymous said...

Hi Cr@ig!

I was duped by Smithism for years also. Now I want to try and get a "Do Not Knock" law into place simular to the "Do Not Call" law that restricts telmarketers.

If cults like the Mormons and the JWs want to come on private property and bug people, then they must have the people's permission to do so.

Let's get this thing rolling!

Anonymous said...

The fall and failure of LDS – Truth is out there….Exacting foretold prophecy being fulfilled as we speak, which was written thousands of years ago about a church that stands today.
This is what Hosea, Joel, and Amos are all about.
In summary, it tells about Ephraim [parallel genealogy modern day LDS] being a simple-minded dovelike nation creating their own religion in this day and time, separating themselves as something other than “religion”, and taking glory for their physical public deeds as being “fruitful”. It makes reference to Joeseph Smith being their prophet and that it all began with his animosity with God or “the Church” of his youth. It says that out of the wrongness of his heart and that anger not from God stemmed his rebellious inspired expressions. It explains how they had no true knowledge, took the tenthparts from families [which God considered robbery], that their “princes” sons and missionaries would fall by the sword, which is the verbal stumbling of not being able to explain their reasonings or teachings. The geographic mentions are symbolic of religious nations today thus, Egypt being “people in false religion” that Ephriam “LDS” apparently has no part in. It tells in detail their multitude, but how the parents are responsible for the spiritual death of their own children.
The “stick” of Ephriam and the “stick” of Judah was their claim to the meaning of BOM, however this is not what the bible interprets itself to say. These two nations were under two different sets of laws at two different times. Since this was a biblical vision, it cannot be taken literally, therefore the reference to these sticks being combined refers to a symbolic prophecy that was already fulfilled when the two separate nations came together under one law in Jesus’ figurative hand, once he was declared the messiah – not one actual book in a person’s hand.
Hosea – Written in 745 BCE – Describes Ephraim’s nation in relation to the “outsiders”
4:6, 7,8,10, 14 [refers to innocent female offspring, but that the men get off on their own glory but regardless a people that does not understand will be trodden down], 18 [makes mention of treating women like a harlot, making her feel trapped and ashamed over the miseducation of her use and of what she sacrifices for the “church”.]
5:2 [Mentions those falling away are part of Ephraim’s slaughter work to bring them even further from God out of disgust], 3 [their dealings cannot involve God because of their conscience and of the way they have used women, God says they will not call on He himself. Poligamy history etc], 8 [THE STATUE OF THE HORN! Weird but precise], 11 Ephraim is oppressed, crushed in justice, since Joseph Smith took it upon himself to walk after his Adversary, 13 says here that they proceed to try to uplift a great king in this day, but not even he can cure their spiritual disease.
6:6 [God takes delight in loving kindness of him, not in personal sacrifices; and he also takes delight in knowledge of God rather than material kindness to others] Spiritual and not social must truly come first, 7 [says they overstep the covenant and go beyond God’s requirements placing burdens on its members], 9-10 [ Their missionaries lie in wait for a man to come by, and the association of missionaries are a marauding band. In the house of Isreal, Ephriam goes out and adds wrong to wrong]
7:1 [HERE IS WHERE THE TIMEFRAME COMES IN, “At the time God brought healing to Isreal” which was the early 1900’s according to the Jewish calculation of time that the bible foretold the rebuilding would occur.* God also uncovers all of the bad things over a period of time after this “time” begins. They are considered a nation of adulterers according to them committing “ fornication”with government affairs and involvement with wars of the world, 7 [Mentions the day of our king {Jesus’ day which is currently happening} their missionaries will sicken themselves and they are MAD because of the “wine” or drunkening message they were brainwashed with, and because of this anger towards the church, they actually devour their own judges – God’s real people, 11 [ Ephraim = A simple minded dove with no heart], 14 [ God says they did not call to Him for truth but kept “howling” in their beds on account of their money and “sweet wine” or false teachings that sound pleasant, 16 [To God, their missionaries will never succeed because before his chosen people, they will figuratively die by the sword; in essence not be able to back up their story with fact.
8:1 [Mentions the horn again – like an eagle (in the sky), that they sound which is in fact against the very house of God, says they overstepped his commandments (caffeine, alcohol, sealing, ), and because of this it is actually a transgression, 9 [ Refers to Ephraim’s people as “hired lovers” basically, working to pay the church, 11 [ they have multiplied temples and altars in order to sin; for the love of money], 14 [mentions although they were once favored by God and he was with them, they forgot and returned in God’s eyes to everyone else building temples and glorifying themselves]
9:4 [Their bread or so called spiritual food is for their own soul; their own gain], 5 [And in God’s day, their riches, tithes, or “silver” will just be gone along with the decline of the church], 13 [God admits he has allowed them to exist in pasture-like conditions but says the time is near for “Woe to them” when He turns away from them – which is happening as we speak], 15-17 [since their missionaries have acted stubbornly, God will reject them because they will have been given the chance to listen upon encountering God’s people placed just for them]
10:1-6 [Talks about churches (Israel) declining in general and their fruit being pointless because they keep God’s work commandments to themselves and do not DO it. Says they brag about abundance but really just are acquiring showy real estate. They become hypocritical in Jesus’ day of presence, judge others and preach hellfire which has spread to society like a poisonous plant, and will say “we have no king here yet”, when in fact he has arrived. Then they mourn over their statues of Jesus and the cross in which they actually have delight. Then it says even Ephraim will be ashamed of persecuting those churches because of its own exposure.
12:1 [Ephraim “feeds on wind” or nothing after the EAST wind (east spiritual direction) all day long. Lying and despoiling are what he MULTIPLIES.
13:1,2 [ Make for themselves a molten image that they are known for and may as well be kissing a golden calf when they are preaching idols (to their own understanding) but God said according to him, it’s the work of craftsmen…ALL OF IT, 6 [ according to their self sufficiency they became satisfied and exalted as a nation and that is why they forgot God], 15 [ even if he does grow large as an organization, the wind or word of God will come and dry up his well (money) and drain his spring in replace of truthful waters – the same waters referred to in the Samaritan woman story of Jesus],
14:9 God speaks and tells Ephraim he will send someone who is wise and in front of him discreetly they will be. The righteous ones who follow God’s word are the ones relaying this message and as for the true transgressors; which are those not listening, they will be stumbled by them.
*Book of Daniel, Ezekiel , and Revelation tell all of this.
Joel – Written in 820 BCE Speaks to God’s people and those who want to follow God since all of the indications of his “day” is here.
1:2,3 [Gives us a distinctive timeframe in which to parallel with current prophecy. Refers again to the beginning of the 1900’s asking and telling all the older men of the church, “Give ear (listen to the reports that Jesus said there would be)Have all these disastrous things ever happened in the history of time?” , He says, “Concerning these things, give an account to #1 your sons, #2 your sons to their sons, #3 and their sons to the following generation.” <- Not plural, only 4 generations are mentioned to go by while all these things are occurring, 4 [The remaining part of the nations in which God’s locusts have not eaten(his people assigned to devour the teachings of Babylon the Great mentioned in Revelation), have already been eaten by the cockroach (Babylon the Great), therefore the locust-like preaching work will come to a finish, 5 [ says wake up and howl or be sad, because the truth has now been cut off from you and the time is coming when it will be too late.]
The remainder of chapter one talks about the truth from God being cut off from everyone besides his mighty nation and all churches beating themselves because of the hypocrisy and destruction of religion by the government themselves and everyone is in turmoil due to the disgusting things occurring and the drying out of church attendance, those making money on it, all the so called rejoicing and happiness will be cut off due to a decision soon to be made by government.
2:1 [Describes the war-cry and the unusual message that God’s people have preached in the entire inhabited earth in every language, tongue since the early 1900’s when this prophecy was fulfilled and began.], 11 [ For he (a person on earth) who is carrying out God’s word is mighty and who can hold up under it, there will be no way to deny or disprove God’s spoken word to the earth], however, it will occur in that very time period (from 1900’s) that God’s spirit is on every kind of flesh and in different ways on one than another– and it MUST OCCUR that everyone who calls on the NAME of Jehovah alone during this time will get holy spirit, immediately undoubtedly know it, and will escape. In and among the “survivors” are the ones that are responding to Jehovah himself calling to them.
3:4 [Mentions the way God’s people are treated when conveying this message during this time and how people will claim their own religion and refuse to listen, then God says, “Is it the treatment that YOU are giving me (his people) a reward?” Then he says he will give them their false praise and unwillingness right back upon their heads, 5 says those unwilling people will have mislead the people that God owns and brought innocent ones to their churches for the purpose of telling them lies and removing them very far from God’s true territory, 9 [urges those unwilling to hear truth affiliated with church and government to go ahead and “sanctify war and to arouse the nations” so that earthling men gather themselves to actual war with God to fulfill his original purpose for mankind. This is already being fulfilled through government today and has been since the early 1900’s. We are almost in complete fulfillment of this prophecy with the UN’s rebirth in 1945 and the churches backing of the World government as of recently.]
Amos – Written in 804 BCE Has the most info and goes back into detail, expands on God’s view of military and unfavorable acts of this time period in conjunction with the 2 prior books.

Anonymous said...

I'm a never mormon raised in Utah, and I like Mormons - many were kind to me growing up (and many weren't).

I saw before somebody asked why you were excommunicated, and you said it's your businesss. But I find it difficult reading the blog, and trusting you not knowing more of that story. Even if you don't say exactly why, explaining the context more than a personal problem. When you don't say what it, I will tell you know, I assume the worst -- either you had an affair or were masturbating.

Since your blog is about revelation of the church's biggest secrets/problems/inconsistencies when you won't admit your own mistake it makes you seem less reliable. Maybe not to other angry exmormons, or mormon haters, but to impartial people interested in the goings on of the church and its discontents.

Cr@ig said...


I don’t feel that I need to lay out every detail of my personal life on MY blog. As a Mormon, I allowed the church to have full access to my life…to sift and weight my worth based on their interpretation of how I should live my life. There were no boundaries.

As a youth I allowed Mormon leaders to delve into the most personal aspects of my life…this process continued into my adult years. The culmination reached its crescendo when I turned to the church for help after having a personal indiscretion by allowing the 18 men present at my so called court of love to sift through my personal life, weigh it’s worth and then cast me aside as disposable rubbish. Well fuck them…I will no longer let anyone violate my personal boundaries.

I no longer feel a need to open my personal life to anyone’s examination or evaluation. I no longer need a false church to give my life worth. And if that means that I have no credibility with you, so be it. Assume the worst of me, if you will….does that make Mormonism’s claims all of a sudden true? Assume the best of me…are Mormonism’s claims now believable? I have stated “don’t take my word for anything… Study for yourself” But “Don’t discount my words JUST because I was Excommunicated either”.

However, having said that…EVERYONE wants to assume the worst. So let me state again as I have stated many times…I did not break any temple covenants. And that is where I will leave it. At the time of my excommunication I was a typical active believing temple recommend holding member of the Mormon Church serving on the high council of my stake. I was not perfect nor is any person. I had a personal indiscretion and sought help from the church. I fully expected some church discipline. But what I received was Excommunication... I was kicked out of my tribe.

I have never heard of anyone ever being Exed for my so called sin…but having said that…I thank the “gods” whatever or whoever that is, for being Excommunicated from the Mormon Church. At the time and as a Truly Believing Mormon, it was the hardest thing I had ever faced in my life to that point… [discovering that the church was not what it claims to be was the hardest] in hind sight, my excommunication turned out to be the most wonderful blessing ever handed to me…for without it I would never have discovered that my entire life had been built on a fraud. I would have never discovered just how wonderful a reality based life can be or just how wonderful “living” truly is.

If you’ve never immerged from a “matrix” life into reality, I do not expect you to understand. But the process is absolutely indescribable.

So, think what you want to about me…I could care less…discount my blog if you want…I could care less…join Mormonism…I could care less. As I stated in my first blog post…”My “Cr@ig In The Middle” blog will be about anything my mind congers up, but I suspect that it will dwell mostly on my continued experience of living with my feet planted in two opposing worldviews. One foot is begrudgingly planted in the magic worldview of Mormonism where anything is possible. Up is down, black is white, 2+2 = 5, where reality is suspended to accommodate mind bending belief, where answers to questions are known before questions are asked. Knowledge of Truth is claimed...but questioning discouraged and often punished.

This is the world my wife and family still reside within.

My other foot is securely planted in the real world. The skeptics world where facts and reality matter. Where truth claims can be questioned and tested and discarded if found lacking or embraced based on testable supporting evidence. It is the world were faith is still valued but is built on a foundation of reality. In this world, to make that leap of faith, one is not required to disregard the laws of nature or the laws of the universe in order to accommodate it. An exercise in Faith is rewarded in additional truth...not the absolute unmoveable, untestable truth of Mormonism, but the honest, real kind of truth that is literally built line upon line, precept upon precept and based in authenticity. That welcomes critical examination and is not afraid of the skeptical mind.”

This blog is FOR me…to clear my thoughts…and to heal from the abuse of Mormonism…and perhaps share some of the truths I’ve discovered on my journey. If I only end up helping myself fully recover from Mormonism…it has served its purpose.

Elder Joseph said...


You said

"I was a typical active believing temple recommend holding member of the Mormon Church serving on the high council of my stake."

I just wonder having only investigated the church for two years though very active , what exactly does being in the High Council entail ?

Is it time consuming? Is it even necessary ?

I remember The Stake President speaking on occasion , were you one of his councillors , this threesome arrangement as is typified in Mormon Priesthood structures ....

Well he always said more or less the same thing in his talks as usual in Mormonism , I noticed a constant cycle of repetitive teachings which started to get me fed up .

Nothing new , no new revelations but just the same old humdrum fear based lessons ...

OnceI started to discover the real history on the Internet it was a fairly clear decision to make and not to get baptised.

The Ward members are a little suprised I chose to quit though they seem to console themsleves with the atitude that I came to found fault with the church .

I came looking to see if the claims made by the missionaries I met were true.they gave me a title of 'Investigator' but I soon noticed that they didn't really like me investigating the church...

My more harder questions were frowned upon as Anti ! ehh !?!?

Many didn't even know Joseph Smith was a polygamist.It became apparent that many members were simply uneducated as to the real facts of the church history and it concerned me , that I was being taught by people who didn't know the real facts themselves though they sounded knowledgeable to the unsuspecting.

Mormon Heretic said...


I empathize with your plight. I'll take you at your word that you didn't break your temple covenants. If this is the case, then your excommunication is quite puzzling to me, and I would tend to agree with your assessment of being dealt with harshly by church leadership.

Perhaps you would have found mormonism's false claims anyway. It just seems like there is quite a bit of vitriol in your comments. While I understand where it is coming from, I just don't think it is healthy to maintain some much venom. Even non-religious folks understand the value of forgiveness. I'd be surprised if you didn't see some value in forgiveness.

I can't help but wonder how different your life would be if you were dealt with more appropriately. I know you feel that this excommunication is a blessing in disguise, but do you feel there would have been much less bitterness toward the church if your situation had been handled more appropriately?

Cr@ig said...

Mormon Heretic Said: I empathize with your plight. I'll take you at your word that you didn't break your temple covenants. If this is the case, then your excommunication is quite puzzling to me, and I would tend to agree with your assessment of being dealt with harshly by church leadership.

Cr@ig’s Response : Although I did not break any temple covenants, I knew I had made some choices that were not in full compliance with church policy… I wanted to resolve these issues…I initiated the process. Once I did that, it spun out of my control and I was Exed. I underestimated the fanaticism of my then Stake President. He viewed giving me the opportunity to experience Re-baptism as a great gift. I never saw my so-called infraction rising to the level of warranting excommunication. It was like giving the death penalty to a shop lifter.

Now having said this…I fully grant the church the right to ex whomever it wants for whatever reasons it deems necessary … Hey they just Exed a guy in Las Vegas for publishing a calendar of topless former missionaries for God’s sake … I should feel special.

Perhaps if I had been prepared for the inevitable, perhaps if the SP had known of my shelved doubts I wouldn’t have been given the opportunity for the great gift of rebaptism, who knows.

I’ve never looked for ways to make the church “Not True”. And I’ve always really wanted the church to be all it claims…hell who wouldn’t? But reality IS reality…and just like I had to face the reality of being Exed…I’ve had to face the reality that the Mormon Church is built on a fraudulent foundation. It may be the greatest thing ever invented by man…but since it was invented by a man…I want nothing to do with it.

Mormon Heretic Said: It just seems like there is quite a bit of vitriol in your comments. While I understand where it is coming from, I just don't think it is healthy to maintain some much venom. Even non-religious folks understand the value of forgiveness. I'd be surprised if you didn't see some value in forgiveness.

Cr@ig’s Response : I was kicked out of an organization I had given my life to. It was my only reality. I believed it, It was my culture, my very foundation, part of my DNA. I faithfully submitted myself to the process of a church court because I knew that that was the process GOD himself had established to deal with broken folks like myself.

It was a mistake. I was thrown under the bus. I could have survived excommunication if there had been any love in my so called court of love. But being the man-made church Mormonism is…I was dealt with in a very human manner…and merely cast off as disposable rubbish. Literally shunned by those that had participated in my bloodletting. My excommunication was survivable…the aftermath was unbearable.

At the time I knew what I had experienced was NOT normal…hell, I had sat in on enough church courts myself as a judging member of the high council…but wait, I had only experienced excommunication from the side of the judge…never the accused…maybe my experience was EXACTLY what others have felt. I rue the day I ever participated in such a revolting, humiliating process.

Mormon Heretic Said: I can't help but wonder how different your life would be if you were dealt with more appropriately.

Cr@ig’s Response : I don’t believe that anyone willing to submit themselves to the humiliating church court process is looking for a way to lose belief in the church. I certainly wasn’t, I was a TBM believer. But once out, I knew that I would never return to the church until I KNEW beyond doubt that all its claims were what they claimed them to be. I fully expected to deepen my understanding and belief in the church, take the excommunication bullet and return to full fellowship. I felt my doubts were…just that, doubts because I hadn’t been diligent enough in my studies of church history, scriptures etc. I fully expected to come out of this process an even more devout member of the church once my issues had been dealt with.
Truth cuts its own path…and once I was exposed to critical thought and alternative views and explanations…I discovered that it was the church of my birth that had been distorting, whitewashing and enhancing its stories for faith promoting purposes. It literally broke my heart to make this discovery.

If I had not been excommunicated, I wouldn’t have dared to examined Mormonism’s claims (I was in that deep) But once on the outside, I really had no other alternative.

Mormon Heretic said...

Cr@ig, thanks for your response. Do you think you will ever get over your feelings of betrayal?

Cr@ig said...

Mormon Heretic said

Cr@ig, thanks for your response. Do you think you will ever get over your feelings of betrayal?

Cr@ig's Response:

Feelings of betrayal? Interesting question…and yes I feel betrayed by Mormonism. They lied to me, they continue to lie to their membership and my family…I would very much like to see Mormon leaders held accountable for their continued lies. But reality is reality…it’s not going to happen…so I’ve moved on.

Mormonism will continue to proclaim itself as something it is not. All I can ever hope for is to be a spokesperson for truth. If I have helped even 1 person exit Mormonism (and I know that I have helped many leave the church) then I am making a difference…small but still a difference.

Mormonism does not really seek “TRUTH” it merely seeks believers in its fantasy world…truth is not part of its mission despite its claims to the contrary. I believe that in the end Truth will prevail over Mormonism…and that will be the ultimate reward for all of those who blog against Mormonism’s lies...that will be the ultimate prize for their betrayal.

Elder Joseph said...


"Mormonism will continue to proclaim itself as something it is not. All I can ever hope for is to be a spokesperson for truth. If I have helped even 1 person exit Mormonism (and I know that I have helped many leave the church) then I am making a difference…small but still a difference."

I have helped a few and really I only had to tell the truth to them.

I didn't force the real truth on them , they asked me why I stopped atending church after two years and why I wouldn't get baptised.

The only people who object to my telling the truth are the TBM's who will constantly justify lying and deceiving by church leaders.

Let the ordinary members decide if they want to stay or Investigators want to join after being told the full facts.

Just because its a great social club doesn't justify it masquerading as some ultimate source of truth or special insight from any creator.

There are more and more leaving and going inactive in the Developed nations .

The only solution is for the church leaders to admit its all a hoax, apologise for all the families they have split up , all the divorces they have been an influence to , all the pedophile and Adulterous activity of past Mormon leaders....

and just become another mainstream church.I've no doubt the sincere members could add some good to this sector.

The only ones who would object are the fanatical ones ( males)hoping for multiple wives for themselves.

Anonymous said...

Hello there, I have some questions for you and hope that God's spokesperson has visited you recently, which I am sure that they have. What is more amazing or praiseworthy than The One who made everything? Who could be more important to try to get to know than God Himself? Has anyone ever grown on you and turn out your friend? You gave them a chance. Who is more worthy of a chance than the One who gave you children? Who continues to give you chances as their child? Who has never let you go a day in your life without food? Who is more famous than your favorite person? What work is more important than the clearly written assignment that God gives us, which has been the only best seller forever, and withstood the test of time? Who can wipe out dinosaurs in one swipe? Who can know our quiet thoughts…then what are they for? Who knows the cell and its perfect function, yet when we stand in the sun and scratch our arm, we can see that we truly are just dust? Who holds back the sea, but the one who created the fish that eats the carcasses of seashells, made from perfectly timed shed cell growth in animals, and poops out sand which created all of the beaches? Who can know the synapse, number of fires, and timing of brain function that is required to perform even a blink? Who can know the complexity of blood, which is like snowflakes another miracle, so that one day someone could declare it safe? No human can know these things…Who can? Who could think that this beauty and endless ecosystem is by accident and all happening haphazardly? I love you, please reconsider God because He longs for you to come back only to Him.

CB said...

Hi, just came across your site today, and read a few passages. It reminded me very much of my childhood, being raised devout Mormon. I was always very inquisitive by nature, for as long as I can remember. Even in Primary I would raise my hand and ask for an explanation, when we were clearly told something different the prior week. As a very young child, I was quickly determined to be the "trouble maker," and treated accordingly. I can't count the times I was asked to leave Seminary for my "blasphemy," even in so much that one of my teachers pulled me out, finger in my face and told me I was actually "Satan's servant, and would lead the hearts of the children to be blackened to the Truth." Problem was, I didn't misbehave, it was only perceived that way. I wanted so badly to "know" and believe blindly what everyone else did. If anything, it would have made my life easier, but there were so many holes. To this day (I'm 35 now,) it still astounds me that grown, EDUCATED people can just "swallow" this story, hook,line and sinker. I also must add that I came from a family that was physically/verbally abusive. I could never understand why we went to church every Sunday, (and all during the week for activities)and learned about families and eternity, and CTR, etc. and we didn't live it. My Father firmly believes in the Church, so much to a point of almost unhealthy, maniacal, holy-roller type. (Good luck pointing that out to him,not that it is my place,) but I add that because of the "pick and choose" mentality. I know that people act according to their own wills and should not look ill upon the Church, but rather it's members freedom of choice, but when I finally sought help (through the Bishop at the urging of another member) when I was a teenager, it was MY fault, and I was to never mention it again. All very frustrating, human flaws. The "Truth," (image)must be protected! Regardless of bad experience, I feel lucky to be able to see through the holes and be able to live my life without this influence in it; although I recognize that it is a great source of comfort or purpose to most, and I respect their choice as well. Good luck to you!

Steve said...

HiCr@ig, I have never been a Mormon but have been an interested outsider for some years. I am certain that the LDS is based on lies and continues to be so. It is no surprise that a large proportion of people who discover that they have been subject to lies and manipulation by a religious body should reject religion in all its forms. However I would ask you and others in the same position not to simply apply the same judgement to religion in general. I have found my own faith to be of great help to me in my life and hate to think that so many ex-mormons are 'throwing out the baby with the bathwater'. (PS You don't have to reject evolution to be a Christian - I don't)