Wednesday, March 01, 2006

And So It Begins...

Last Month I had my balls spiritually removed by my Beautiful-Uber-Mormo-Nazi-TBM wife (whom I love with every fiber of my being). She had discovered that I had been posting my thoughts on a sight infamously known to all TBM’s as the spawn of Satan, the evil anti-Mormon sight better known to all free thinkers as “Recovery From Mormonism or RFM for short, www.exmormon.org. In my desire to find common ground I agreed to stop posting my thoughts on RFM. But walking around with a tinfoil hat duct taped over my mind is not very comfortable.

So knowing that I am far from being recovered of my Mormon experience I have decided to establish this blog aptly named “Cr@ig In The Middle” as a safe place where I can come to vent and download my random thoughts from time to time.

My “Cr@ig In The Middle” blog will be about anything my mind congers up, but I suspect that it will dwell mostly on my continued experience of living with my feet planted in two opposing worldviews. One foot is begrudgingly planted in the magic worldview of Mormonism where anything is possible. Up is down, black is white, 2+2 = 5, where reality is suspended to accommodate mind bending belief, where answers to questions are known before questions are asked. This is the world my wife and family still reside within. My other foot is securely planted in the real world. The skeptics world where facts and reality matter. Where truth claims can be questioned and tested and discarded if found lacking or embraced based on testable supporting evidence. It is the world were faith is still valued but is built on a foundation of reality. In this world, to make that leap of faith, one is not required to disregard the laws of nature or the laws of the universe in order to accommodate it. An exercise in Faith is rewarded in additional truth...not the absolute unmoveable, untestable truth of Mormonism, but the honest, real kind of truth that is literally built line upon line, precept upon precept and based in authenticity. That welcomes critical examination and is not afraid of the skeptical mind.

My life in the “Middle” of these two contrasting, conflicting worldviews is a delicate balancing act that I am glad to endure for the sake of my family, whom I continue to love.

20 comments:

MoonQuaker said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MoonQuaker said...

Ok...so I'll say more in this comment (deleted the first)


:)

I've been wondering how you have been disconnected from your evil cyberfriends.

Very nice first post on Cr@ig In The Middle!

J. said...

Hey hey Craig.. So glad to see you as part of the former Mo blogging community.

You have been linked to my blog as of right now...

Talk to you soon!

-starbright

Joseph's Left One said...

Good to see you emerging again. Rock on.

C.L. Hanson said...

Cool!!! :D

I've added your link to my blog as well...

Fubeca said...

Good to hear you are alive! I'll visit often

Skeptical said...

Welcome back. Nice to see that she left you with one nut.

Sideon said...

Hey there, middle-man.

I'm glad you've got an outlet. I hope you and your wife continue to communicate!

Peace.

Matt said...

Welcome to the wold of emo blogging, mate! :o))

Mani said...

If you really loved your wife, you would keep believing for her sake. It's so tragic how you NOMs/DAMU/RFM types have no qualms about totally destroying your family just for the sake of "being true" to yourselves.

why not just humor your wife's belief in the book of mormon, etc. by "believing" yourself. I mean, when you're dead, you're dead, and nobody is going to care what you believed in. But right now, your family is the most important thing. If it takes a lifetime of pretending to believe in some of the very fairy tales that brought you together, is that really such a sacrifice to make for love?

I don't think so.

I does not matter if the church is true or not. What matters is making your wife happy. I'm not saying to join her in a suicide pact or something, but TSCC does not require that. Just believe so that she is happy- nobody cares about your "true" feelings. And, again, when you're dead, it will all be forgotten anyway.

Anonymous said...

I too "discovered" my husband posting--a blog--that he didn't want me to know about. So I see this situation a little more from your wife's angle. I ask you what I asked my husband, "Why do you cut me out of your life except for when it convenient to you to be with me?" I have been surfing around and stumbled onto your post, so I don't know your situation. In mine, many marital problems have been blamed on my husband's disaffection with the church instead of facing our lack of communication and all the mountains it has thrown between us. He claims he doesn't want to tell me all about his problems with the church because it will upset me...he can't see that nearly twenty years of concealing those problems with the church is far more hurtful than his wish to be exmo without the conviction to actually resign. Similar situation when he took up drinking and coffee. Yes, to the rest of the world these are harmless activities, but when the little wife finds out that her DH has been willfully concealing said activities it is the lack of respect and communication in the marriage that is a problem, not the harmless activities. Mani comments that you should pretend, just to make your wife happy, but we all know that you'd have to be an incredible actor to pretend something of this scale until you die. For me, it would have been a more comfortable existance if I never caught on, but a woman would have to be pretty darn stupid to do that forever. I encourage some frank talk and stop the concealing things from your wife. Just my rant.

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jen said...

Being in the middle is tough from a christian point of view. Spent 10 years in a full gospel church with an alcoholic. Too much behind the scenes games for me and two babes....Scars take time to heal from any church. James Spencer told us how much he loved the Mormon church but disagreed and would any of us take a burden to help them? That was 19 years ago! I guess I did and god Bless all who "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free" John 8:32

jen said...

Just wanted to ad lib to my other lib: I truly LOVE JESUS Christ, my Lord and Savior, He loves all of us so much and faking to believe in something that is not real is like living with an alcoholic for 10 years and going to church, believing I can make him change....Co dependent no more
I am free and loving it!!!!He will figure out the way to sobriety on his own.....My teen is much happier because his mom stands up for the truth and am not afaid of the trials because Jesus is with us in the fires we go thru . We are on our way out after 8 years of struggles-Amen...

Lysi said...

I am a recovering Catholic. So many of the emotions you describe in your journey away from the lies of LDS, I've also felt in my journey away from the lies of Catholicism. I'm not sure that gnawing in the stomach ever goes away but eventually, generic Pepcid helps. That's when you know you've rounded the bend toward finding your own truth.

Hang in there. I'm sorry we don't live close enough to each other to have coffee on those days when the clouds seem densest.

Anonymous said...

Contrary to what the church says, there is nothing WRONG with disagreeing with the church. The church keeps us busy judging others all the while we are ALL carrying around this guilt with us. It keeps us from seeing what the truth REALLY is...even when we turn our judgement on the church we are STILL caought in the same judgement trap...and, believe me, it is the same trap...it keeps you from the REAL truth that none of us want to look at and even when we realize what that is we are stiill in denial because of the alternative. So what do you want to do ... be right or be kind??? Live in love ... or live in fear... ultimately these are your choices.

Anonymous said...

So craig I find myself in a wierd position, I am a convert to Mormonism of 2 years and I find myself not really believing, and honestly I think I forced myself to believe because my wife wanted me to convert. I know I should just tell her that I have doubts but that would crush her, all she talks about is me getting the Melchezidek Priesthood and going to the temple. I have been to combat and telling her has just as nervous and jittery!!!

Cr@ig said...

Anonymous said...

So craig I find myself in a wierd position...I think I forced myself to believe because my wife wanted me to convert.

Cr@ig: Ummm...yeah I can completely identify with your situation...and I would also agree with you that I would rather face bullets than the rath of TBM wife. Here's the problem. Active Mormon's LOVE a convert and LOATH an apostate. The only advice I can give you is to take your time and do your homework. Getting OUT is so much tougher than getting in. In this way Mormonism is every bit a cult. I would suggest that you frequent some of the exmormon internet sights such as exmormon.org and postmormon.org amnd seek advice from those who like me have navigated these very treacherous waters.