Thursday, April 27, 2006

Is That All There Is?

Is that all there is? Have I now been exposed to all of Mormonism's problems? Are there no more secrets?

When I first dared to question my faith and venture down this path of critical examination... I was constantly being confronted with revelation after shocking revelation of the cover-up, lies and whitewashing the Mormon Church had perpetrated on its own membership.I remember the disgusting disbelief I experienced as I first discovered the bizarre stories of Joseph‘s glass looking and his head in a hat translation process. I am amazed that through 4 years of seminary and three years of Institute I was never exposed to “Kinderhook” and “Zelph“.

I remember how sick I felt upon learning that there were “other” accounts of the first vision. That there was an island Comoros whose capital was Moroni, that Joseph Sr. had had Lehi’s same dream prior to the writing of the Book of Mormon, That Joseph had married other men’s wife's, missions to the men in the moon, Joseph’s alcohol consumption etc etc etc. I still shake my head in amazement that I had never been exposed to these things or that I had faithfully refrained from an exploration of these difficult matters.

Each day brought a new shocking discovery greater than the day before, the accumulation of which ultimately led to the complete collapse of my faith in Mormonism and the resulting conclusion that the church was not what it claimed to be. That time of discovery, as painful as it was, was also very exhilarating. I felt like a man who finally awakes from a life long coma and experiences reality for the very first time in his life. Each new discovery slowly and sometimes painfully dispelling the darkness... Through this process I lost the faith of my youth. I stepped through a threshold, into a new understanding of life and reality; old understandings were discarded as I underwent this cataclysmic paradigm shift in my life.

So is there no more discovery to be made? Have I reached the bottom of the rotten barrel of Mormonism? Is there nothing more that can shock me?I want to be surprised... but the innocence is gone... and my discoveries now lay in other areas and realms...


ChristFollower said...

Just wanted to say "Amen" to this. I could have handled the facts if they had been presented to me. I cannot handle being deceived. Like you I have to wonder what else might not be true. More than anything my trust is gone, and trust is the foundation of any relationship.

Trixie Granny said...

Yes, this is exactly what I am going through now. It seems as though I cannot get enough. I faintly remember hearing events in the church history mentioned, but I paid no attention as if it were a fairy tale. Now I mourn at some of the events that I read about dealing with the church history. More particularly as I was reading last night about the doctrine taught by Young about the "blood atonement". Quite astonishing. I admit the church has come a long way since those times, but to think that that is how it all began.

I look forward to getting past the feeling of being lost and like christfollower mentioned being able to trust again.

Matt said...

I was taught, as a Mormon child, that Noah had two of every kind of animal in the Ark. But the quiz game "QI" on BBC TV had that as a question. It turns out that nowhere in the Bible does it say Noah only took two of each animal. He took more than 2 of some types, so the mormons even got THAT cocked up!

Anonymous said...

I'm going through the same process you have described. I'm shocked and disgusted by what I have learned about Joseph Smith and why none of this has ever been mentioned in my 35 years attending church. As I watched the news the other day I was struck that the FLDS leader Jeffs is the 2006 version of Joseph Smith. Smith must have been viewed by his contemporaries much the same way we see Jeffs today....perverted, controlling, greedy, self-important and blasphemous.