I caved into pressure...
Ok here’s the deal... I’ve been out of the church for over 3 years now... but few of my TBM neighbors even know about it. I have no agenda and view my loss of belief as a private matter.
This morning I stopped at a local convenience store to buy a cup of coffee. Just as I was about to walk in, my neighbor and a former bishop’s councilor of my former ward drove up (he is unaware of my apostasy; as he was released before I left the church). For some reason I caved into the pressure and instead of buying that cup 'O Joe I went and bought a cold caffeine beverage. And now I’m pissed at my self. I gave so much power to the Mormon Church to mess with my life for so many years...and I’m still doing it by caving in to pressure...acting as if I was doing something wrong.
I hereby swear that I will live my life honestly, without consideration to what others may think of me. I am giving myself permission to make decisions regarding my life, irrespective of others perceptions. I promise NOT to look over my shoulder when doing something that the Mormon culture frowns on...that is unless I run into someone else from my former ward.