Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Looking Over My Shoulder

I caved into pressure...

Ok here’s the deal... I’ve been out of the church for over 3 years now... but few of my TBM neighbors even know about it. I have no agenda and view my loss of belief as a private matter.
This morning I stopped at a local convenience store to buy a cup of coffee. Just as I was about to walk in, my neighbor and a former bishop’s councilor of my former ward drove up (he is unaware of my apostasy; as he was released before I left the church). For some reason I caved into the pressure and instead of buying that cup 'O Joe I went and bought a cold caffeine beverage. And now I’m pissed at my self. I gave so much power to the Mormon Church to mess with my life for so many years...and I’m still doing it by caving in to pressure...acting as if I was doing something wrong.

I hereby swear that I will live my life honestly, without consideration to what others may think of me. I am giving myself permission to make decisions regarding my life, irrespective of others perceptions. I promise NOT to look over my shoulder when doing something that the Mormon culture frowns on...that is unless I run into someone else from my former ward.

8 comments:

Steve said...

Wow. I really know how you feel. I've done the SAME thing a dozen times in the break room at work--grabbing hot chocolate instead of coffee because one of my uber-Mormon bosses come in.

Anonymous said...

Hell Craig, if I were you I would have pulled out my Glock, shot the clerk between the eyes and robbed the damn store. I'd then make the mormon drink a cup of coffee at gunpoint- that would have shown that no good interloper!! Can you see the look on his face then?

Craig, can't you see the truth? Your a wimp and always will be. Too afraid to buy a cup of coffee. What a loser.

P.S. Steve your a wimp too.

Gunner said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
F2K said...

Wow, Anon . . .

You're so impressively courageous posting your insightful comment under the moniker: "Anonymous." You're totally NOT a wimp.

Craig, I love what you're doing here . . . I need to read some more before I can really comment, but I promise I will! And, I'm definately linking to your blog from my own . . .

F2K

Kim Strahan said...

I completely understand. I would drink coffee, but I know I could not keep it from my family and that would be worse than the fact I have not taken sacrament in 12 years. Why we got to feel like that?

Anonymous said...

Good for you! Living life honestly is the only way to be happy! I've never been a mormon myself, but my sister & her family are. I'm very worried about them. I'm just sorry that anyone gets sucked into this cult!

marlo said...

As the joke goes:
Q: why do you never take only one mormon fishing?
A: Because he'll drink all your beer.

The whole thing is maddening, that we are so succeptible to peer pressure and our mormon programming.

On the other hand, if drinking in front of other mormons seems agressive and rude, then isn't that a good reason to pass on it? The only reason to do it is if you're trying to prove something, including that you can be insensitive and impolite. Same reason you don't swear around your grandma (usually).

Wendy said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who behaves differently in the presence of mormons, it's like they'll think I'm being deliberately antagonistic. Anonymous may think I'm a wimp too but hey at least I publish under my own name. Sometimes I see them looking at my ring finger when I introduce my partner and they just love to judge the fallen mormon. At least I'm happy and getting a bit!!!
Wendy
PS I love your blog